Place your bets

I hate The Hills. Never watched it, can't stand to read about it, think the whole thing is just icky. But I just can't seem to get away from it. So Heidi and Spencer are ready to get married.

And here's why they're not:

H: And then I had this moment when I realized I'm ready to marry Spencer.
Magazine: What moment was that?
H: We were walking at sunset, and he had a little picnic made for me with chocolate-covered strawberries and Dom Perignon.
Me: Yeah, that's what marriage is really like. You're definitely ready.

Magazine: Do you think you rushed the first engagement?
H: Yeah. I'd just turned 21, and it was scary because I was so young. Even though it's only been a year, it feels like a lifetime later.
Me: You've like, so totally matured! Can't wait to hear what you say next! Ohmygod!

Magazine: Spencer, we need to talk about that ugly scene at S Bar in LA when you hijacked Heidi's girls' night out and flirted with those women over shots.
S: It felt dirty. It's not what I wanted. That's why I was sipping on that shot - I was trying to calm my nerves.
Me: I'll just bet. Let's see what Heidi's mature response is...
H: That was the turning point. I saw him with those girls, and I realized I could never see him with someone else... and I could never live my life without him. He's my soulmate.
Me: Yep, there it is. You want him because you don't want anyone else to have him. Brilliant reason to marry.

Magazine: You said you were waiting for Spencer to propose again with the right ring.
H: A new ring means a fresh start, a fresh love, and a fresh engagement. Plus, I didn't get to pick it out. I want something much bigger and one that comes from the heart - not some purple thing!
Me: Nice, you materialistic bitch. After all, it's not the man that matters, but the big fat rock weighing down your finger FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

Me: Oh, kids, here's the topper! Wait for it...
Magazine: What would your dream wedding be like?
H: I just want everything to be perfect. I want to perform at my wedding - it's a special song I'm working on now for Spencer. I'd love to have steakhouse Cut cater it and have Kobe sliders for everyone! I want to give all the guests Jason of Beverly Hills watches. Oh, and I want U2 to come play. They're the perfect wedding band, right?

So, my money's on 3 months, long enough for the excitement to wear off and actual life to set in.

BOOM

So today, the tree in the front yard that I hate because it's messy and shades my whole yard, the one with 5 or 6 giant trunks on it, lost 2 of them. They just fell over.

THEY FELL THE FUCK OVER.



But the city very kindly chopped the whole thing up and took it away. One arm of it was in the street, but they took every piece. You can't even tell it was there.

Hot pink

Meimei got casted this afternoon and will gimp around with it for the next month. It's mid-thigh down to her toes in a "leg bent" position so she can crawl - and so she can't walk. She definitely has a spiral fracture of the tibia. It's a weight-bearing bone, so they want her off it.

The doctor didn't make it sound like the break could only be the result of horrific abuse - he asked us point blank if we were worried about our daycare and dropped it when we said "no". He seemed fine with, "we don't know how it happened, but she's stubborn as hell and we're not surprised."

Meimei actually laid still and quiet while the cast was put on, which if she did that normally, probably would have prevented this entire issue. All jokes aside, she did really well. You will notice, however, the abundance of stickers on her arms and legs. Bribery is never wrong.

The splint she was in over the weekend, however, left a very black, ugly sore on the back of her heel - like a bedsore. No wonder the poor girl couldn't sleep. It was starting to look better already by the time they put the cast on, which they padded REALLY well, and said it would heal up on it's own before the cast came off.

Once again, much crying and screaming for the x-ray, but the cast was clearly away from her skin, so we're comfortable that she's comfortable. She seems more comfortable. She's sleeping better and is quickly getting used to it.

I feel much better now.