Adventures in ADHD

It turns out all 4 of us have ADHD Inattentive.

Kitten and I are diagnosed. The Hammer is headed down the same path - we're getting a similar vibe from her kindergarten teacher that we had from Kitten's last year. And Pants - well, he talked to his doctor about a referral but has yet to set up his appointment for an evaluation. True to form.

I've started a new blog to specifically address our lives with ADHD - ADD-Libbing (addlibbing.blogspot.com). We've struggled as a family for a long time and I've personally struggled with some issues for decades.

It's been a comfort to know what we're up against, but finding our way forward will be interesting. We're not like other families.

Crow

Pants: ...and then I told him he should be careful, he would have to eat his words.

Kitten: Why would you do that?

P: What, hon?

Syl: She wants to know why you would "eat" your words. It's a figure of speech dear.

P: It means you say something but you find out later that you do the exact opposite of what you said.

Hammer: I DO NOT LIKE GREEN EGGS AND HAM! I DO NOT LIKE THEM SAM I AM!

P: Exactly! And then he likes them at the end and he has to eat his words.

S: Yes, like everything your father and I ever said about parenting before we had children.

Second opinion

We got our diagnosis on Kitten and she has ADHD. The doctor immediately prescribed medication.

I asked if this was the first line of treatment. She said yes, for the kinds of numbers on her assessment.

I asked if there was additional behavioral therapy we could get in addition to the medication. She said no, she only referred people to behavioral therapists if their children had disciplinary problems.

I said that she gets so frustrated that she routinely melts down at the slightest provocation and can't seem to pull herself out of it. She said that Kitten was probably just frustrated throughout the day and was releasing that at home, maybe it would get better if the medication could help her focus during the day and not get so frustrated.

I filled the prescription with a lump in my throat. I didn't give it to her over the weekend.

And then Monday she threw up. And Tuesday I couldn't find it.

By Tuesday, I had decided to try it. ADHD medication is fast-acting - you don't have to let it build up in your bloodstream over a couple of weeks, it works on the first day. It is active for 8-10 hours in the bloodstream and then wears off. Most are psycho-stimulants that excite the nueron receptors to work harder, better. While it sounds counterproductive to give a hyperactive kid a stimulant, there is science behind it. Because it works for a specific period of time and then moves out of her system, I'm willing to give it a trial. We can always go off it.

On Wednesday, over Pants' strenuous objections, I gave Kitten the medicine. The doctor prescribed one in a capsule that we could break open and dump into a small amount of applesauce for her to eat. The drug won't lose it's efficacy by taking it this way, as long as it is not chewed or dissolved in the mouth.

Kitten's teacher emailed me at the end of the school day and said that, while it didn't solve all of her issues (Kitten still stood in the classroom in a daze until she had to be told to put away her things), she was able to focus all day and finish all of her schoolwork. Success!

Whem Kitten came home on Wednesday night, she was absolutely bouncing off the walls. Flying around like she was on crack. Swimming lessons were terrible - she flailed around like she couldn't control herself or forgot what she was supposed to be doing. She stayed up a bit later than usual, but nothing horrible.

Thursday night was better, not quite so manic, but the coordinator at the after-school program had noticed her hyperactivity that afternoon. I had given her the meds a half hour earlier that morning. It appears she has a period of intense hyperactivity when she is coming down.

Friday night, tonight, her third day on the meds, and she has been a complete basket case. I can't say in the short time we've used the drug that the meltdowns are really worse, but I'm watching. Other than that, it appears that her appetite at home has been fine (some kids stop being hungry) and she is only staying up a little bit past bedtime, not anything serious. The bonus side affect seems to be regularity, something she's struggled with for years.

But I can attest that the drug is not a cure-all. Kitten still needs some help expressing herself, recognizing inattention and correcting it, and I need some advice on helping her with daily routines. After only a few days, I know I need some behavioral therapy.

I have asked another mom how her child was treated and if there was any therapy in addition to medication. We talked for a bit and when it was clear her doctor's theories matched mine, I called to make another appointment. I want another opinion, another approach.

I won't necessarily take her off the medication. It definitely seems to be helping at school and she is on the lowest dose possible. But I want some more tools for the inattention, the inability to break down a task into smaller actions, the difficulty with concepts of time and other abstract concepts. I want to get her some help with her emotional outbursts and her anxiety issues. The medication-only approach does not work for me - I want more.

The end of lazy parenting

School conferences a couple of weeks ago. Nerve-wracking. It's hard not to take it as a judgment on your parenting skills. And you know it's not going to be all sunshine and rainbows when the papers have been coming home from school with "Late" and "had to stay in from recess to finish."

So yeah, some very measurable and disturbing behaviors going on in the classroom:

• Kitten has trouble following instructions, especially if they involve multiple steps. She quite clearly gets through one or two steps and loses it.
  
• The teacher consistently has to address her specifically when it's time to start an assignment. She is usually off in her own world.
  
• Kitten is the first kid in the classroom in the morning, but almost always the last kid to get her coat and backpack off. She usually just stands there and watches the other kids.
  
• Kitten often loses things, leaves the cap off her glue sticks, has papers and other things stuffed in her cubby, and just generally has difficulty keeping track of things. She has lost her coat/jacket/sweatshirt, left her water bottle at school, lost her glasses, and numerous other items.
  

So we had an assessment done this week with a doctor that specializes in ADHD. We haven't reached a diagnosis yet, but it's pretty clear that there is some kind of issue that needs to be addressed so she can focus on her school work.

I think we both secretly knew there would be an issue. She's bright, she's personable, but she can't stay on task to save her life. I can't send her to her room to clean it - she doesn't know what to do or where to start. We can't get out of the house without a crying, screaming melt-down most days.

We're not sure where we are going with this. We don't think we're ready to medicate our kindergartner, but I don't know where else to find help making the appropriate behavioral and environmental changes so she can learn. I've read that medicating children doesn't teach them how to develop the skills they'll need, but these grades are also the foundations of reading, writing, and mathematical skills and I feel like I can't allow her to get behind, either.

I have no fricking clue what we're going to do from here.

Night of WTF?

Scene: bedtime.

Syl walks by the bathroom where Kitten is claiming loudly that she is going to go to the bathroom. Syl stops about 3 feet past the door and turns around, nearly running back. Kitten is standing in front of the toilet, lid up, pants down, facing the stool. It looks like she is about to pee. STANDING UP.

Syl: What are you doing?
Kitten: Peeing.
S: You need to sit down.
K: No.
S: Put the seat down right now and sit down. That is how girls pee.
K: No, I want to stand up.
S: Honey, boys pee standing up, but girls have to sit down. Girls don't have penises, they don't have anything to aim. You need to sit down. Pants, would you like to explain to your daughter why she can't pee standing up?

A 10 minute fit ensues wherein Syl tries to explains the physics of urination equipment and gender.

_______

Scene: 90 minutes post-bedtime. The Hammer is still whining in her room.

Syl: What is the matter?
The Hammer: I want my tent down. I don't want it up anymore.
S: Ok, we can take it down.
TH: I don't want it to get broken.
S: It's fine honey, it's not broken. [Proceeds to take down bed tent.]
TH: You're breaking it!
S: No honey, these are tent poles and they are made to come apart. See? [Demonstrates the technology of shock-cord poles and takes the whole tent down.]
TH [as S folds tent]: Mom, I want my tent back up.
S: Ok. [Sighs. Puts bed tent back up.]
TH: Mom, I want to sleep on the floor.
S [turns back and walks out]: Goodnight.

A good parenting week

We are having a good week here in el Casa del Pants. Normally, I assume that I am probably an average parent at best, at worst, well, I'll try to help pay for therapy.

Kitten has been dry at night for 5 nights. It's been a very organic move that was set forward by Kitten herself, when she was ready. Kitten has also been identifying letters, connecting them to sounds, and connecting letters and sounds to words. She has made huge leaps forward in the 2 months she has been in the new daycare. It's absolutely amazing to hear her what she comes up with some days and know how far she has come.

We attended kindergarten roundup today and I absolutely love her school and the district. Kitten confidently walked off with the other kids to the classrooms and the bus ride and I got a little misty as she walked away from me. I'm not usually that mom, the one getting all weird about their babies growing up. I'm usually the one wanting them to grow up faster. So I'm going with the urge for tears being a result of my overwhelming pride.

The Hammer had kindergarten screening this morning and thank god, she passed. By the lowest number possible, but passed none the less, so no retesting or special sessions for this one. Still a little embarrassing when the colors are all wrong and she can't identify a button, but most of the errors were from nervousness - she knows these things, I think. The inability to stand on one leg though, she comes by that honestly.

The Hammer goes on the potty one or two times a day at school and always when she isn't wearing anything at home. We may have finally convinced her to try underwear this weekend, but we'll see when the moment actually arrives if she is willing to do it.

So, aside from the morning fits we've had this week (because SOMEONE has been staying up in her room until 10 or 11 at night, I am looking at you Hammer Pants), it's been pretty good.

Conversations

The Hammer gets out of the swimming pool and approaches Pants:
H: Dad, after we're done here, after we get done right here [points down at her feet in the water], I want to go get a puppy.

After a 10 minute tirade where Pants chews out the girls for covering the house in glitter, The Hammer looks up at him on the coach and giggles.
Pants: What are you laughing at?
Hammer: Your lip.
P [still exasperated]: What about my lip?
H [whispers]: It's sparklin'!

Syl's Wide World of Whoa

We all love the new daycare. The girls love their teachers. The Hammer is has been going potty on the toilet a few times a week. I had to bring a fruit or vegetable to Kitten's class on Friday and they made fruit salad and veggie pizza with everyone's stuff. And the kids ate it! Hammer's class was learning to match capital and lower case letters Thursday.

And I love it. Aside from the above, they surprised the parents Friday morning with muffins and apples for the ride to work. One of the directors is there every time I come and they know me and my kids. I often see them pitching in, holding the younger kids, helping round up a stray, leading a class down the hallway, etc. Everything I have observed has impressed me.

The ease with which the teachers deal with the children is amazing. Everyone in the school calls the children "friends." There is not a TV in any room, except the security monitors in the director's office. They have a security system that reads my fingerprint to unlock the door. They eat meals and snacks family style at a table and the children learn to dish up their own food and eat together.

So yeah, we're liking the new school. All of us.

Oh, and Kitten got into the kindergarten we wanted for Math, Science, and Children's Engineering. Not only did we get the program we wanted, it's free all day every day kindergarten, which will bring our weekly daycare bill back down to where it was before the move. Seven more months of the extra expense and we're back to where we were.

And when Hammer is in 1st grade, we'll be down to around $140 a week! That's downright cheap for us!

Getting better

It's been a better week for us, due to better planning and more adjustment time.

Monday: drop off went ok, Kitten started throwing a fit but we managed to pull it back and get everything moving on. Hammer didn't want to go to "school" but saw her teacher in the window and I convinced her to go in and say hi. She ran up to her in the hallway and gave her a huge hug. I was early to work and made it in time for an 8 am conference call (which was canceled). I picked her up early to go to the dentist, where she did not throw a fit, although Kitten saw us leaving from the fence and was a little concerned. Hammer even let the dentist take an x-ray of her front teeth, which were indeed pushed back. They aren't doing anything at this point, but we have to go back if they turn gray or abcess. Pick up was successful, but we were already halfway out.

Tuesday: getting dressed is a chore as i realize Kitten wants to be dressed like a toddler. I hope this regression doesn't last long. I can tell they're getting tired and the early hours are wearing on them. Drop off is good but I have to stop for gas, so I'm about 15 minutes late. Pick up is fabulous, as I am now bribing them to leave with Cheez-Its. Hammer peed twice in the potty at school, two more times than we have gotten her to go at home.

Wednesday: Near meltdown in the morning with getting dressed and Hammer throws a hissy in front of the door. I take Kitten outside and belt her in and determine that Hammer's fit stemmed from her wanting to open the door. I close it, she opens it, and we get in the car. Drop off goes well and Kitten has been drawn to a very cute black girl as her friend, which thrills me. One reason we moved was for a little more diversity. Pick up is excellent, even though Hammer is playing in the "Village" room when I get there and last time I had to drag her out kicking and screaming. I offer the Cheez-Its and she jumps into her coat.

This evening, however, I can tell the girls are getting fatigued. They are whining, arguing, picking at each other, and fighting any request we make. They don't want to go to bed. I would like to chloroform them.

I am also tired from getting up earlier each day to make them toast and yogurt before asking them to get dressed and getting moving earlier so I can get to work on time. It's making bedtime a bit tougher this week, but at least we're not throwing fits in public.

On a nicer note, the teachers told me today how adorable it is that the kids' classes overlap for outside time in the afternoon and they both squeal and run to each other like they haven't seen each other in weeks.

Week from hell

The girls started a new daycare this week.

Monday: Drop off goes better than we have a right to expect. We both take a little time off in the morning to complete paperwork, get our fingerprints in the door lock system, and get the kids adjusted, but all goes well. MIL meets us for pick up, so that also goes well, although the kids are having fun and don't want to stop.

Tuesday: Kitten has to be dragged into the car screaming. The Hammer throws a fit when I leave and I can see her screaming on the floor as I get into the car. I call on the way to work, however, and the director says she was just in there and didn't see any sign of a fit, or even tears. I am an hour late to work. Pick up goes alright, although it takes a while to get them in the car.

Wednesday: Kitten has to be dragged into the car again, but remainder of drop off is successful. The Hammer's teacher cleverly averts another fit and I am only 45 minutes late to work. I have to pick up early to take them to the doctor for check ups. The Hammer is unhappy about the wakeup call from nap and is starting to get into a fit when she is tipped off by staff that she is going to the doctor. An all out screaming panic attack ensues and lasts for over an hour, into the doctor's office and the exam room. I am kicked, punched, and scratched as I attempt to contain her. She finally calms down when it becomes clear that she doesn't have to get shots, although her sister does. The afternoon goes better for a couple of hours until, inexplicably, when we get home, neither child will get out of the car and sit there and cry until I pick them both up and take them each out of the car.

Thursday: Both children get dressed and drop off goes well, again Miss Lisa stops another Hammer fit with her mad skills at daycare. I am 40 minutes late, but I'm counting it as a win. Pick up goes much worse and Hammer throws another huge fit and has to be dragged out and shoved in the car. I have become much better at carrying her with all limbs facing out so I am not in the line of fire. By the time we get home, both are crying in the car and refuse to get out. I trudge into the house and tell Pants to go get them if he wants them - I am done.

Friday: Drop off goes really well, no one has to be dragged screaming into the car, no one throws a fit at the daycare. When I leave, Kitten is writing her name on her paper with her teacher and Hammer is getting some breakfast with her class. I am only 20 minutes late. My knee is seriously flaring up, however, and I can barely walk throughout the day from the week's activities. I ask Pants to pick them up and, of course, they give him no trouble. Friday is also the day that all applications are due for Kindergarten schools and Kindergarten Extra, the all-day-every-day option that I have to pay for if Kitten does not get into one of the magnet schools. I have three envelopes to mail that must be postmarked today.

Saturday: Children are extremely tired. Kitten is running a low-grade fever and might have a mild virus. It is a crying, whiny day as the children are still exhausted from the week. We're just trying to make it until bedtime when Hammer, in some inexplicable dinner table accident that I didn't actually witness, cracks her face on the table. She has a swollen upper lip and her two front teeth are actually pushed backward. Pants and I struggle with what to do (ER? Nothing? Emergency dentistry?) when MIL comes over and gives her some ice cream. She begins feeling better and I finally find some sorta official advice on the internet that says the teeth will most likely go back into position on their own without intervention. Although they could still die and turn black.

And now it's Sunday and we're just trying to get through. MIL has offered to take them for a few hours this afternoon and I'm eternally grateful. She has also offered to take a bundle of laundry with her and return it with the children. That woman is sometimes a saint. I'm trying to decide between mad cleaning, a nap, and drinking myself into a stupor while they're gone.

Raccoon accident

Conversation of the day:

I have just put the kids in their rooms for quiet time and Kitten is crying not 5 minutes later. Pants walks in and finds her rejected full-body raccoon costume, previously hanging in the closet, on the floor. I am listening from the living room.

Pants: What happened?
Kitten: I hurt myself!
P: What's with the raccoon?
K: I was swinging on it in the closet and I fell down!
[Snorting laughter coming from the living room]
P: You can't swing on things in the closet honey, they won't hold you.
K: Okay.

Education is for the rich

Pants and I toured a school this morning, The Goddard School. It would be ideal for our kids - on the way to work, more of an educational environment, a friend from daycare already there. But they wanted over $2000 per month to take our kids.

We have been considering moving our kids to a more educational environment so they get more socialization, more educational opportunities, more time playing outside, and are better prepared for school. The home daycare we are in has worked phenomenally well while the kids were younger, but as they get older I think they need more than what they are getting.

If we weren't already in debt up to our eyeballs, I might put our kids in this school anyway. But killing ourselves over pre-school? Who affords this school? Some people must, there were kids' names all over the classrooms. (Maybe they put up fake names. Does anyone really name their kid Anakin??)

It actually made me incredibly angry. I have been unable to find a pre-school program that is not phenomenally more than what we are paying a month now (hundreds more per month) or that runs all week. My kids don't have a way to get to and from pre-school for partial day programs, nor would our daycare allow us to go down to three days per week to put our kids in pre-school the other 2 days. I get it, my kids would take up a slot that could go to a full-time kid. Not that it matters, the ones I have looked at would still be too expensive for us.

There is one option, a Montessori school in Anoka, that is pretty close to what we're paying now, but both kids have to be potty trained before they can enroll and we have to figure out how to get to work from Anoka. It will mean more time commuting every day and more time away from the kids.

So my kids may have to start school without a lot of the skills other kids will have. I don't even know what those skills are, as I can't seem to find a list of what they should know. Should they be able to write letters, or just recognize them? Should they be able to just count, or do some rudimentary math? Tell time? Count money? I want to help my kids get a little more education, but what do I focus on?

I feel really lost on this.

Busted

So, I'm flipping through Jezebel this evening and watching the "10 Things You Might Have Missed on TV This Week." Kitten runs over to watch one of the videos and Pants immediately protests.

So I flip to the last one and say, "Ok, let's watch Judge Judy."

The Hammer pipes in: "I want to watch Judge Judy on our TV, like at [daycare lady's house].

Oh dear. My kid is watching Judge Judy at daycare? I'm paying this woman to watch Judge Judy with my children?

Conversation in the car

Syl: You know how they make those little fences for the car that keep dogs from jumping out of the back compartment of an SUV? We need one of those, but for the back seat so the kids can't touch each other.
Pants: We could just try shock collars.

"Creamy" is what you're looking for

Because, apparently, yogurt doesn't come in a tub labeled, "No chunkies."

Hoping to become a fish owner

Kitten has been doing very well on the potty, going most of the weekend staying dry, although she is still having accidents once or twice a day, mostly in the evening. Last night she was dry when we changed into pajamas, though. We sent her to daycare today in underwear and agreed that she would wear a pull-up during nap time. She doesn't seem to have the sleeping thing down at all.

I promised her this weekend at the pet store that if she could stay dry for 7 days straight, she can get a fish. We will also be pulling her from daycare then and putting her into a preschool - another mom at daycare who put her older child in preschool recently said that any residual potty issues they had before cleared up immediately when he started school with the other kids.

So I'm hoping by November 1 to have both a small aquarium and a kid in preschool. Then we start working on The Hammer (who does seem interested, but will just sit on the potty and hasn't actually peed in it yet.)

S to the I to the M to the P

So, most mornings I wake up with a song in my dream/head. I've become attached to some songs this way, songs that I hadn't given much thought to before.

But this morning, I awoke with my favorite P&F song cycling through. I'm a total web doofus and I can't get You Tube to imbed here, so click here to enjoy Squirrels in My Pants.

I told Pants. His comment - "You just got served. Again."

A few minutes later, in a totally different room, I started singing it. Kitten's response? "You just got served. Again."

Suckage

Pants is on his way home from the Urgent Care. With a pneumatic cast over his broken 5th metatarsal. He busted it clean in half on Saturday falling over a shoe in the entryway and he's been walking on it since (only partially due to manly stupidity). Thankfully it stayed in place and didn't need to be reset. Sadly, he needs to stay off it as much as possible and keep it up at all times.

Which puts me on child duty, something I'm not quite ready for yet. I'm still exhausted when I get home from the simple task of walking during the day. Yesterday I forgot I was injured for a millisecond and tried to break into a jog. I've been popping pills since then, but it didn't keep me from being up for hours early this morning while I waited for my muscles to let stop gnawing on my sciatic nerve.

As an added bonus, a little extra gift, The Hammer has a diaper rash that turned into a yeast infection (the rashy kind, not the feminine itchy kind) and I had to take her into the clinic yesterday. Now we have a medicated cream to slather on three times a day.

On the bright side, I guess, Kitten has been pooping daily for nearly a week and even went in the potty on her own on Sunday. That's a first for her. If we could all just stay off the injured list for a month or two we could get her completely trained in no time.

Happy Birthday Hammer!

Today you are three. Your birth was the most painful experience of my life and I will hold it over you for the rest of yours.

I didn't wake up thinking, "I'm going to talk about genitalia with my 4 year old today."

Scene: Bathroom. Kitten is going potty.

K: Mommy, I don't have a weenie.
Syl: [blink. blink. swallow.] No, honey, you have a vulva. Girls have vulvas and boys have penises.
K: I don't have a weenie.
S: Nope. Only boys have penises. Girls and boys have different parts. We're just built different.
K: Mason has a weenie. (Boy from daycare, also potty training)
S: It's called a penis, honey. Boys have penises.
K: Ok.

We've discussed vulvas in the bathtub, but only in the sense of calling it by its name and telling them to wash it. We've glossed over the physical difference between boys and girls, but they've see Pants peeing, so it's not a huge mystery. But this is truly the first direct, pointed conversation we've had on the subject. I was pretty calm, I think, except for the blinking and swallowing part. It caught me off guard.