Adventures in ADHD

It turns out all 4 of us have ADHD Inattentive.

Kitten and I are diagnosed. The Hammer is headed down the same path - we're getting a similar vibe from her kindergarten teacher that we had from Kitten's last year. And Pants - well, he talked to his doctor about a referral but has yet to set up his appointment for an evaluation. True to form.

I've started a new blog to specifically address our lives with ADHD - ADD-Libbing (addlibbing.blogspot.com). We've struggled as a family for a long time and I've personally struggled with some issues for decades.

It's been a comfort to know what we're up against, but finding our way forward will be interesting. We're not like other families.

My Big Redneck Wedding

My LPT is getting married on Saturday and I've been keeping tabs on her preparations for a couple of weeks. I started to relive my own wedding on the way to physical therapy today and I realized something. As beautiful as I wanted it to be, my reception was really, really redneck.

I present the evidence:

• My brother and someone who will remain nameless (because he is NOT dead) snuck out to my rented Lincoln Town Car and blazed up a joint.
  
• A co-worker of ours got so drunk that she was hitting on everyone at the reception. Including the BRIDE and GROOM. She later got into an actual fist fight in the parking lot because some other coworkers thought she might be a little too far gone to drive.
  
• Apparently an anorexic we know drank too much and ate WAY too much cake, ended up puking her guts out in the bathroom, and got hauled out in an ambulance. Don't even know where I was for that one.
  
• Pants' friends The Michaels got incredibly drunk and we played rounds of "Where's Michael?" for an hour, where a different one would show up every 5 minutes, ask where the other was, and stumble off to find him, no matter how hard we tried to make either one stay put.
  
• One of them also brought a date, who none of us saw before or have seen since, who was 9 feet tall in a solid turquoise dress. She's the only thing I remember seeing walking down the aisle (What the HELL is that?).
  
• I have a photo of two women (regular readers here) dry-humping Pants on the dance floor.
  
• The groomsman who missed the wedding because he was IN JAIL showed up in a red suit and pink leopard-print hair.
  
• Pants and I spent every dime we had on the wedding and had to take the wedding cards with us to the hotel so we had some money for our honeymoon. If you gave us money, thanks.

So although I have lovely memories of my wedding, I realize now that an open bar was perhaps not the best idea. I realize now that although our friends and family have come a long way, you can't take the redneck out of the country-raised. I realize now that I didn't know half of what went down during the reception and I'm kinda glad.

So there it is - my big redneck wedding.

Feel free to disagree...

Suckage

Pants is on his way home from the Urgent Care. With a pneumatic cast over his broken 5th metatarsal. He busted it clean in half on Saturday falling over a shoe in the entryway and he's been walking on it since (only partially due to manly stupidity). Thankfully it stayed in place and didn't need to be reset. Sadly, he needs to stay off it as much as possible and keep it up at all times.

Which puts me on child duty, something I'm not quite ready for yet. I'm still exhausted when I get home from the simple task of walking during the day. Yesterday I forgot I was injured for a millisecond and tried to break into a jog. I've been popping pills since then, but it didn't keep me from being up for hours early this morning while I waited for my muscles to let stop gnawing on my sciatic nerve.

As an added bonus, a little extra gift, The Hammer has a diaper rash that turned into a yeast infection (the rashy kind, not the feminine itchy kind) and I had to take her into the clinic yesterday. Now we have a medicated cream to slather on three times a day.

On the bright side, I guess, Kitten has been pooping daily for nearly a week and even went in the potty on her own on Sunday. That's a first for her. If we could all just stay off the injured list for a month or two we could get her completely trained in no time.

Back to the 50s

Ok, so from a Jezebel.com article I clicked over to the Anti-Misandry.com site and read this article on why men shouldn't get married. And all the way through the article I wondered, "Who are these people?"

I don't know women who insist that their fiancees spend their life savings on weddings. Or even engagement rings. In fact, I know women who didn't have an engagement ring and were absolutely fine with it. And I don't remember being asked if I wanted one or not - my husband went overboard, as far as I was concerned. And if you're going to blame the engagement ring requirement on a De Beers ad campaign from the 40s, you may as well point the finger at your own gender - I'm pretty sure it was a male-dominated field at that time.

I don't know women who insist on staying home with their kids. The families I know with children weigh the cost of daycare against the cost of working and make a joint decision based on what's best for the family. If staying home is a moral decision, it is agreed upon by both parents from the outset (before the children arrive) and accommodations are made from day 1 to make that a possibility. In fact, I know stay-at-home dads who do so because they make less than their spouse and the money works out better. And as far as a man being trapped in a career or job because they are the sole bread-winner, welcome to life. Suck it up, pal, a lot of us are trapped at one time or another because the money is too good to quit. Or have an honest talk with the family unit about making changes in lifestyle so you can explore other options. Any wife who flatly refuses is someone you shouldn't have married in the first place.

I don't know anyone with a maid, or a cook, or a nanny. People with that kind of money are a bit rarefied for those of us down here working our asses off to pay the bills each month. Grow a spine and say no.

The marriages described in the article appear as nothing more than a caricature or a TV sitcom, the same sitcoms they rail against for their anti-male message. I agree that men are portrayed deplorably on TV - so are women and children. Entertainment is essentially bringing stereotypical behavior to an extreme to produce laughs, generally at someone's expense. It's not a portrayal of real life. NO ONE WOULD WATCH THAT SHOW. But I'm not sure the marriages described here actually exist either.

In the end, the ultimate power over the marriage rests with the two people involved. I don't believe anyone has any business getting a marriage license until both parties have disclosed the entire state of their finances and credit history and had discussions at length regarding children, work, division of labor inside the house, and what will happen in the event of several predicatable crises (death of a spouse, job loss, affair, etc.). These discussions should not stop at the alter, they should continue throughout the marriage as life and circumstances change. If either party is not willing to have these discussions, the other one should run for their life.

So if any man finds himself "trapped" in a job he doesn't like because he was "forced" to be the sole provider for the family while his wife is out shopping and living a life of leisure while the children are in school, he has only to blame himself. He chose the woman, married her blindly without having some important discussion, and allows the behavior he finds so odious to continue.

My marriage is a partnership where we both make decisions based upon our financial and emotional health and that of our family. We are both fully responsible for the exact place we are at in life and there is no blame game. When things get tough, we take responsibility for our own shortcomings and the problems that resulted and we work together for solutions.

And as Jezebel pointed out, misandry definitely exists, but the movement won't get far when it's solely populated with misogynists.

The 25th mile

It's Christmas Eve. We are having MIL and SIL over tonight for fondue (yes, people still do that), so everything must be done by then. Mostly, it all was when I left this morning.

I picked up the basement this morning. The tree is up, the furniture moved, and there are just a few things that need to go out to the garage. There are presents under the tree.

I picked up the livingroom this morning. All remaining presents (wrapped and unwrapped) went into a bag in the hall closet. All wrapping paraphrenalia went into another bag set in the livingroom. Remaining presents (only 4 or so) can be wrapped later tonight after guests go home.

Groceries were purchased last night. Except oil for fondue. What can I say, it wasn't on my list. Must stop back at Cub and get oil and $10 gift card for dice game. Forgot that too.

We are finally happy with the furniture arrangement in the livingroom and will probably live with it for a while. Basement is nice too, moved children's table down there, although we still need to move the BF coffee table out to the garage. It will fit back in the livingroom, but Pants is afraid the children will end up with brain damage. Probably right. Girls' rooms are mostly clean and organized, have weeded out much of the crap that collects over a year (plastic junk, McDonald's toys, 4 inch creepy-looking dolls, etc.), plus two of the larger toy items. Must do more weeding after the holidays, but can't think about it now. Bathroom is clean, including getting on my hands and knees and scrubbing the floor.

Hmmm. Kitchen needs work. Both sinks full of dishes (of the dirty variety), counters completely covered with stuff, floor likes like it hasn't been cleaned in months (ahem). I hope Pants gets on that today.

All additional decorating is done and house looks cute and festive, but not like elves crapped Christmas. Tasteful.

So, really, all that's left today is vacuuming the entire house, cleaning the kitchen, clearing some crap out of various rooms that needs to be put in the garage (including the hutch, since we are using the buffet now for the BFTV). Pants and I have done about 20 loads of laundry in the last 2 weeks and are discovering that we don't have enough space to hold everyone's clothes. All drawers are bulging, all closets packed full. Anyone have another cute mid-century modern dresser for free for me? Anyone?

In the end, I got what I wanted for Christmas. A little Christmas excitement for my kids. A visit to Santa (after 3 hours in the mall). My girl's first sled. A Christmas tree. A warm home that looks like people like living there. I mean warm feeling, not temperature. Maybe I'll wish for that next year.

Still on my wish list? New tires for the Scion. New phones for Pants and I (2 weeks and counting). A basement remodel (and bathroom, kitchen, plus an addition). An insulated garage for Pants's man cave. A TV downstairs that's hooked up to the satellite. A garage sale soon so I can get rid of half the crap in the garage. A brilliant idea for a lighting system in the well so I can see what we're storing. A new shed. A slab next to it to park the truck in the winter. To sell the Intrepid (or give it away, or pay someone to get it out of my driveway). Cheaper daycare. To potty train the kids. To lose 40 pounds.

Wait, we're starting to hit a different kind of post.

Not fired yet

Kitten: We go this way?
Pants: Isn't it amazing how she knows this whole neighborhood? She could probably direct someone to our house. (Stops the car at stop sign.) Which way now?
K: That way (wrong way).
P: Okay, you just want to go that way because there are kids playing. (Stops at next side road where we normally turn.) Which way should we go now?
K: That way (straight).
P: Ok. That's a new one. We're going this way?
K: Yeah. We go this way and we, we, we, then we go to McDonald's.
P: (turning to me) If she actually directs me on how to get to McDonald's, you are so completely fired as a parent.

I am so over...

The Christmas diamond commercials. Don't you blood-suckers make enough money without making men feel inadequate if they don't purchase something shiny for their spouse/partner/loved one?

Christmas is not about supporting African drug lords so you can prove you're the best husband on the block. Could you just do a couple loads of laundry instead?

He told me so

I have been asked to report that, contrary to my incessant dogging out years ago, it is now the cool thing to have water washing over a wall of ... whatever. They do it with everything now, slate, rock, resin made to look like rock, etc. So Pants is officially now the harbinger of cool.

Although, if you remember correctly, my issue wasn't so much that the "wall of water" wouldn't look cool, but that it might have a negative effect on our resale value. That and the fact that Pants was moving towards turning our town house into the ultimate bachelor pad.

How I spend my free time

• The fifth Stephanie Plum book - she's currently living with a Little Person FTA and Ranger's getting a bit frisky. And her dad reminds me of Kashka's.
• People Magazine. Damn Cub, they didn't have the new one this evening.
• Taxes - working a tougher case, but almost done.
• Obsession over the state of our money, but not nearly as much as Pants.
• Thinking that one day, one glorious day, we will actually be able to make a real dinner again instead of slapping something together because both children are crying.
• Picking out a patio table and chairs set from IKEA. Pants immediately said yes just from the price.
• Wondering if I should take a landscaping class or if I should just wing it. Wondering how I would go about measuring my lawn so I can lay out a plan.
  
• Wondering why the cat is howling at me today.
• Planning what I would like to do with my bathroom remodel when I finally, actually, get to do it. Which will most likely be done before the kitchen. And hopefully next year, but probably not.
  

Pics of the fam

News around el Casa del Pants

Kitten's news:
Is no news at all. The tantrums have stopped and she has accepted the 2-cheese limit. She didn't wake up last night, but we expect the night waking to continue for at least another month - she just doesn't take change well. She has stopped fussing at daycare too. And we did laundry, so is wearing matching socks again.

Meimei's news:
Still fighting the cold and still sleeping with me at night, but she has been napping in her crib pretty well. She was up coughing half the night last night, but seems better tonight. Still a dream at daycare, apparently, and still cute as a bug, even while hacking up phlegm.

Pants news:
None really. He is fighting off his cold and begging to rub feet since the girls are both in bed. And no, Jay, that's not something kinky.

My news:
Still fighting the cold also, although it seems better today. Working at 8 is really taking a toll on me, I can't believe the half hour makes such a difference but it does. Other than that, I have a foot rub to get.

More fun with Pants

You know that commercial where the kid keeps putting stuff in the under-floor storage in the minivan because it's a "safe" spot?

Pants thinks it would be much funnier, and much more true-to-life, if the mom opens up the cover and the frog is laying on top dead and crispy.

Fun with Pants

Pants wants to create the following bumper stickers:
God knows you don't use your blinker
How Would Jesus Drive?

All natural

"Where are my veggies? I thought we were eating those, not the other kind." Motions with disdain to the garlic cauliflower in the bowl on the table. "Oh here they are." Finds plastic container of precut vegetables under own arm.
"The cauliflower isn't good enough for you?"
"We should be eating veggies with dip. The way God intended."
"If God had intended us to eat veggies with dip, they would grow that way."
Again brandishing container, "Clearly, God and Cub want me to eat them this way."

Ah choo

Not even a full week in daycare and Kitten brought home a raging cold. Which we all now have. Yay! Kitten appears to be feeling better today, just in time for Meimei to start coming down with it. I am in the death throes of the worst part of it and Pants is about 2 days behind me, although he appears to be faring better and may not get it full-blown.

It does give me sexy voice, however. Not that it changes anything in this household, though. In fact, Pants has about 4 times less chance of that going anywhere than usual. And 4 times zero is...

My mom entreated me to take something today, so I did. I had to go to the pharmacy counter, provide my license, sign a book, you'd think I was purchasing crack. Oh. wait. Anyway, so I buy it and take it, it's a 12-hour thing. And I get home and Pants is just putting Kitten down for a nap, and Meimei goes down for a nap, and I have two glorious hours and...

And nothing. I just took a product with pseudoephedrine, the reason I had to get it from the pharmacy counter, so I can't sleep. Can't nap. I keep thinking I'm going out and I wake up about 5 minutes later in the show I'm watching. Crap. So now I feel worse than I did before I took anything. I'm sick and my head is spinning.

And I don't think I can take NyQuil tonight because I still have to get up with Meimei. I would like to take some NyQuil. Maybe I'll just settle for some Jack Daniels. Mmmmm... Gotta go.

Who I am

For the month, while I cannot really write daily, as stuff usually comes up, I am working to blog as much as I can and I am focusing on myself and introspection. I know, I know, "Woo hoo, Syl's philosophical crap all month!" So come or go, it's my site.

So this is who I am. I am someone who, if she schedules with you, schedules the rest of the day or at least several hours longer than anything actually takes. I do not, stack appointments, or if I do, I freak out all day that things will run over time and I will have to inconvenience someone. I don't like to tell people no, so I don't overschedule if I can help it.

This has a double benefit in that, with any extra time, I can usually spend some time with myself. As an introvert, this is priceless.

Pants is the kind of person who schedules as much in a day as possible, which can cause conflict. Case in point: my dad has invited us for a barbecue on Saturday, starting at 3. We are going, but Pants also wants to catch a movie afterward with a friend (The Departed). This works at this point because we usually have to be home early anyway to put Kitten to bed, but in the past it's been the point of contention - Pants made plans on a day when we were going to my dad's house. Because my dad is like me - plans for the whole day.

And maybe that is why I do it, too. My dad plans for the whole day. My mom plans for the whole day, or at least used to expect me to follow along with whatever plans she had made for the day. So when I make plans, I often just schedule out the day and put someone else in the driver's seat. I'll do whatever you want to do, for as long as you want to do it. (Zip it, Jaysan)

So going forward, I will work on asserting my will, or at least attempting to have one. Maybe that's really the issue: I don't think my plans are worth someone else's (see how valuable this writing stuff is? better than therapy!). I don't think my time is worth someone else's.

It all comes back to me not asking for what I want or need because, deep down, I don't feel like it's as important as other's needs. It's funny how this one thing seeps it's way into everything. Go figure.