I am so over...

Heidi and Spencer. Speidi. I don't even watch the Hills, but I can't seem to avoid them.

And what are they doing now? Practicing at the firing range. And why is that, Spencer? So when we go to Iraq to entertain the troops, we can be prepared if something goes down and they throw us a gun. Which is about the dumbest thing I've ever heard - like the USO tour gets attacked all the time and they just throw guns at quasi-celebrities to start shooting. Yeah, I bet that's what happens in Iraq. Those wacky military-types, just flying by the seat of their pants.

Another Spencer gem? He wants to adopt a baby from Africa and name it Dunk. You know, for when he plays basketball. I can only hope the home study would exclude them from adoption for being prejudiced idiots.

I am so over...

Katherine Heigl. Holier-than-thou much?

I am so over...

The Christmas diamond commercials. Don't you blood-suckers make enough money without making men feel inadequate if they don't purchase something shiny for their spouse/partner/loved one?

Christmas is not about supporting African drug lords so you can prove you're the best husband on the block. Could you just do a couple loads of laundry instead?

I am so over...

Kimora Lee Simmons - what are you, other than the rich trophy wife of Russel? He BOUGHT you.

Heather Locklear - I'm just done.

Dancing With the Stars - no one I want to see this season.

I am so over... Fashion Edition

Giant "tote" handbags. What are you carrying in there, your mother-in-law?

Toe cleavage. Wear 'em strappy or don't show 'em at all. Peep-toe is acceptable, but only if it's sling-back. Otherwise it's just weird.

"Women's" clothing departments that suck - I'm not 85, 6'7", or trying to blind anyone. Nor am I interested in using cleavage to deflect attention. And straight-leg pants that look like you could smuggle refugees at the bottom? Not slimming.