Adventures in ADHD

It turns out all 4 of us have ADHD Inattentive.

Kitten and I are diagnosed. The Hammer is headed down the same path - we're getting a similar vibe from her kindergarten teacher that we had from Kitten's last year. And Pants - well, he talked to his doctor about a referral but has yet to set up his appointment for an evaluation. True to form.

I've started a new blog to specifically address our lives with ADHD - ADD-Libbing (addlibbing.blogspot.com). We've struggled as a family for a long time and I've personally struggled with some issues for decades.

It's been a comfort to know what we're up against, but finding our way forward will be interesting. We're not like other families.

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long

Crow

Pants: ...and then I told him he should be careful, he would have to eat his words.

Kitten: Why would you do that?

P: What, hon?

Syl: She wants to know why you would "eat" your words. It's a figure of speech dear.

P: It means you say something but you find out later that you do the exact opposite of what you said.

Hammer: I DO NOT LIKE GREEN EGGS AND HAM! I DO NOT LIKE THEM SAM I AM!

P: Exactly! And then he likes them at the end and he has to eat his words.

S: Yes, like everything your father and I ever said about parenting before we had children.

Rub it

Irish?

Kitten: Did you know Irish people have St. (unintelligible)?
Syl: You mean St. Patrick's Day?
Kitten: Yeah, but it's only for Irish people.
Syl: Do you know you're Irish?
Kitten: No, they don't have eyes and they do bumps.
Syl: Actually, that's blind people.

Generational differences

Answer these questions:

Your boss tells you that you will be transferred to headquarters, which is in a city 1500 miles away. Your reaction:

1. You will do whatever is required of you; you go without a second thought.
2. What a great opportunity! They must really like you to send you to headquarters.
3. What did I do wrong? They can't just move me across the country.
4. I will go wherever the team needs me. It could be an adventure.

You want to get together with a friend. You:

1. Call them or email them to set up a time and a date.
2. Text to ask where they are right now so you can meet them.

This year and last year, my work has provided a training program (voluntary, but not voluntary, if you know what I mean) and one of the speakers last year was kind of cool. Claire Raines is one of the authors of Generations At Work: Managing the Clash of Veterans, Boomers, Xers, and Nexters in the workplace. Sometimes, you hear an explanation that immediately resonates - you know as soon as you hear it that it's true and you know you have seen the signs and wondered what it meant. This one was about generational differences and it went far beyond the workplace for me.

The theory on generational differences is that children begin to process world and national events and how they impact them around the ages of 11-13. Because a generation becomes aware of the world outside themselves during a similar time and environment, generations tend to share some general traits as a group.

The generations were broken out into four groups - Traditionals, Baby Boomers, Generation X, and Gen Y. The commonalities were:

• Traditionals: because they came of age during the depression and the years leading up to World War II, they place great value in belonging to groups. They tend to be active in churches and social groups. They are patriotic and feel successful when the group is successful.
• Boomers: The overriding feature of boomers is a competitive nature. As they grew up, there were not enough spaces for everyone. They had to compete for top positions in sports, theaters, classrooms, everywhere. With the events of the 60s, they are also distrustful of the government. Boomers want to raise good children. At work, they tend to want to excel in one area, to become an expert and rise to the top of their field. They are quite mobile, moving as much as they need to in order to reach the top of their field. They usually measure success more in monetary terms.
• Gen Xers: Gen X came of age during the 80s, a time when the job market was difficult, employees were being laid off, and the economy was harsh for many. Mothers were joining the workforce in large numbers but the culture to support children was not yet in place. As a result, Gen Xers tend to be distrustful of organizations. They are tribal and rely on their social group, which can include any mix of family and friends, since this is how latch key children learned to get by. They are extremely loyal to their tribal group and are much more rooted to the place they have set up their home than their parents were. At work, they require more autonomy in decisions and often want to learn more than one function. Becoming proficient in several areas makes them feel more secure in their job and more marketable - a reaction to the joblessness and insecurity of the 80s. They also are highly interested in being good parents (different from raising good children) and will usually choose family or their tribe over their job.
• Gen Y: Several events have defined Gen Y, most notably the attacks on 9/11 and the rise of school shootings, particularly Columbine. Gen Y tends to live in the moment and not be as concerned about the future. Gen Y plans a lot less and coordinates more - they find out where people are right now and go meet them, even if where they are right now changes before they get there - they simply change course. They are more spiritual than either the Boomers or Xers. They are also incredibly closely tied to their parents. Gen Y is also the first generation to grow up with technology like cell phones and texting. Boomers and Xers use technology to replicate functions they did before, like writing a letter or networking with colleagues - Gen Y uses technology in a way that is original - they create new ways to use it instead of replicating old tasks.

Ms. Raines pointed out that the Army has done an excellent job in defining the generations and marketing to them.

• Traditionals: I Want You posters - appealing to the need to join and succeed as a group.
  
• Boomers: Be All You Can Be - appeals to the Boomers need to the be the best
• Gen X: An Army of One - appeals to autonomy of Gen X
• Gen Y: We'll Make them Army Strong - actually appeals to the parents of Gen Y, as they are so close to their parents that they will most likely make the decision on with their input. The Army actually has a section for parents on their website.
  

If you look back at the questions at the beginning, you can see how the generations value different ideals and where your own might fit. Of course there are differences in individuals that generalities can't begin to cover, but this discussion was eye-opening for me. It helps explain some of the differences with my parents and bosses, as well as some of those in the younger generation.

Just stop it

I received an email this week, a piece of crap illustrating several "scenarios" and the 1957 reaction and 2009 reaction - supposedly showing how overbearing and stupid we've become. Many of the examples are ridiculous and unnecessarily inflammatory.

Included was this little gem:
Scenario 3:

Jeffrey will not be still in class, he disrupts other students.

1957 - Jeffrey sent to the Principal's office and given a good paddling by the Principal. He then returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.

2009 - Jeffrey is given huge doses of Ritalin. He becomes a zombie. He is then tested for ADD. The school gets extra money from the state because Jeffrey has a disability.



This little missive caught me in the wrong week. This was from a friend and a teacher and I did not feel I could let this go. My response:

I am the wife, daughter, sister, friend, and mother of people with ADD. It is real. Paddling does not relieve the symptoms. I've sure been tempted with Caragh, but it had so little effect on my brother.

The statement made about medication was factually incorrect, as you cannot medicate a child until there is a diagnosis of ADD/ADHD. The diagnosis is made with a behavioral evaluation completed by the parents and the child's teacher and a discussion with the physician. Drug choices are made after a complete history is taken, including conditions surrounding pregnancy and birth of the child. A prescription is written for 30 days and we are required to return to the doctor for each new prescription so the doctor can review several physical factors and behavioral markers before giving us another 30 days of pills (ours last longer because we don't medicate her on the weekends). Because the drugs are stimulants and highly regulated, we will have to physically pick up a prescription and drive it over to the pharmacy for the foreseeable future.

And while it may be true that schools receive extra money because of a child with ADD (I don't really know), I doubt it would be simply from a diagnosis of ADD/ADHD. I believe parents would need to file an IEP with the school for accommodations before the school would be eligible for additional funds. They wouldn't really know about the diagnosis otherwise.

Additional funding, if it is received as the result of an IEP, may be due to the accommodations used to assist the child's attention and reduce the need for medication or the dosage needed. My daughter has a cushion on her chair that allows her to wiggle her butt around a bit and get some energy out, rather than constantly chewing on her clothing as she used to do. We will also be working on an IEP that allows her to have a weighted lap blanket in class with fidget items buried inside it. It will keep her hands busy and her brain stimulated without her being able to see it, which is a huge distraction for her. Studies have shown that weighted blankets, vests, or neck rolls can help children with attention problems or sensory issues, although I'm not really clear why. These things are provided by the school to improve the success of the student, but therapy items are often not cheap (I've researched them). Our school is also working to install microphone and speaker systems in every classroom because they have been shown to assist in learning for all students. The district is funding this for all schools and all classrooms over the next several years, but our school is starting the installation in classrooms where the need is greatest. I certainly hope they are using some of the special education funding, including funding for IEP plans, to help with the cost.

I am so grateful for the options my daughter has today to help her overcome her ADD in the classroom, where it is most debilitating. My brother was labeled as a trouble-maker early on, although we started to discover he was a classic case of ADD just before he died. He was very smart, probably smarter than me in a lot of ways, but he was disruptive in class, had difficulty finishing his work or focusing on tasks, and had trouble with spelling and handwriting. Some of these made it look like he was stupid and I think he certainly felt that way. He certainly felt "different," as he once told me he smoked pot because it slowed his brain down and made him feel like he thought other people must feel. I can't even imagine what he might have achieved if he was evaluated for ADD and given appropriate accommodations.

And this is the difference between now and 1957. I can't imagine what kids in 1957 with ADD went through when they literally COULD NOT pay attention. Apparently they were beaten for it. As late as the 80s, Eric was shamed and dismissed because of ADD. He absolutely hated school and dropped out in the 10th grade. Fast forward to 2011 and Caragh, his neice, is diagnosed in kindergarten, medicated early so we can work on her dosage before school gets more intense, and her love of school and herself is still intact. She truly loves learning and feels good about herself and now that I understand the challenges we face, I will not allow that to be beaten out of her. But I will have to advocate for her at every turn until she learns to advocate for herself because of the opinions out there about the way her brain works and taking medication for it.

There is still a huge stigma attached to ADD/ADHD and an even bigger one for treating it with medication. Emails like this are one of the reasons my daughter will continue to face judgements from her peers, teachers, and other parents for taking medication. Judgements like this are one of the things that made it so difficult for us to even put her on medication, which she absolutely needs. Many people think it should be manageable through natural remedies and that taking drugs is just the easy way out - I certainly felt that way because. While dietary changes and natural remedies certainly can help and are worth a try, they don't help every kid enough to go without medication.

I refuse to call ADD/ADHD a disorder. It's not as if the brain doesn't work, it just works differently than the majority of the population and schools and teaching methods were built by the majority for the majority. There is some excellent research about the evolution of the ADD/ADHD brain and why it exists, if you're interested. There is also quite a bit of research showing that a very large percentage of CEOs have ADD/ADHD. New studies show that people with ADD/ADHD are both highly intelligent and also often very socially intuitive - they have an ability to read people in a way others can't. If they are properly supported, they often achieve great things. Thomas Edison and Albert Einstein most likely had ADD/ADHD - neither finished school. My grandfather Charlie Schnetzler, who attended MIT and Oxford and worked for NASA for 40 years, also suspected he had ADD (and I'm quite sure Rob has it). His eulogies, delivered both by family and by colleagues from Goddard Space Center, centered not on his intelligence (which was a given) but on his ability to put people at ease, build consensus, and talk to anyone young or old as if they were the only person in the room that mattered.

Please think before reinforcing this kind of stereotype regarding ADD. Many of the people I love have a brain that works this way and it's been a privilege and an education to know them. Flippant statements like the one below only make their lives and mine harder and move us farther away from understanding rather than closer together.