Wednesday, October 20, 2010

The end of lazy parenting

School conferences a couple of weeks ago. Nerve-wracking. It's hard not to take it as a judgment on your parenting skills. And you know it's not going to be all sunshine and rainbows when the papers have been coming home from school with "Late" and "had to stay in from recess to finish."

So yeah, some very measurable and disturbing behaviors going on in the classroom:
  • Kitten has trouble following instructions, especially if they involve multiple steps. She quite clearly gets through one or two steps and loses it.
  • The teacher consistently has to address her specifically when it's time to start an assignment. She is usually off in her own world.
  • Kitten is the first kid in the classroom in the morning, but almost always the last kid to get her coat and backpack off. She usually just stands there and watches the other kids.
  • Kitten often loses things, leaves the cap off her glue sticks, has papers and other things stuffed in her cubby, and just generally has difficulty keeping track of things. She has lost her coat/jacket/sweatshirt, left her water bottle at school, lost her glasses, and numerous other items.
So we had an assessment done this week with a doctor that specializes in ADHD. We haven't reached a diagnosis yet, but it's pretty clear that there is some kind of issue that needs to be addressed so she can focus on her school work.

I think we both secretly knew there would be an issue. She's bright, she's personable, but she can't stay on task to save her life. I can't send her to her room to clean it - she doesn't know what to do or where to start. We can't get out of the house without a crying, screaming melt-down most days.

We're not sure where we are going with this. We don't think we're ready to medicate our kindergartner, but I don't know where else to find help making the appropriate behavioral and environmental changes so she can learn. I've read that medicating children doesn't teach them how to develop the skills they'll need, but these grades are also the foundations of reading, writing, and mathematical skills and I feel like I can't allow her to get behind, either.

I have no fricking clue what we're going to do from here.

2 comments:

Allknowingjen said...

I'm sorry, that must have been hard to hear. <3
a) Wether or not she has ADD or ADHD has nothing at all to do with your parenting skills. Like so many things, it's just not in your control.
b) Medication has come a looooonnnnggg way in even just the last 5 years. I think they have really started to figure out the nuances and vast differences between kids and although it still takes some trial and error, there seems to be way less zombification. At least it seems that way in my small number of students.
c) Wait and see what the diagnosis is. At her age, it's likely the Dr (or school?) will have some good OT suggestions for you and they will hopefully want to try that before meds. Or maybe track down a behavioral therapist?
Good luck to you - I hope the info you get from the Eval. is helpful and less overwhelming.

Unknown said...

Sorry to hear of your struggles. You know Peanut was exactly the same in kindergarten. She has gotten better but still needs reminders when she gazes off into la-la land and ignores her work. She is almost 10 now, but at conferences no one has ever even thought about ADD or ADHD. I have of course, and I asked doctors about it every year. They say to just let her be a kid and not to worry too much about it. She has come a long way in her coping skills over the last 4 years. She's actually getting B's in her classes now too.