A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, Jennifer ditched her real friend to hang out with the popular kids, and Mallory helped her get all dressed up and crimp her hair just right (with the top, off-center ponytail).
Sadly, this coincided with my mother and brother's efforts to get me to try to be popular. "You're just as good as they are, you should just go sit at their table at lunch. Just go sit with them, you'll never know until you try." But I did know. I knew how the high school caste system worked and it wasn't in my favor.
I can give you some spiel about how I knew who I was and wanted to be more "real", and on some levels that was true, but there were certainly days when I really did want to be popular. Like the day in 7th grade when I naively asked the cutest boy in school to go to the homecoming dance with me and he said, "Sure," and I thought for several hours that day that I was going to the dance with him because my sarcasm meter wasn't real fine-tuned yet. Only to be mocked in the lockerroom after gym class. Tragic, I know.
This is how I initially uncovered the knowledge that, once you are in a social group in high school, you can make lateral and downward moves, but rarely does anyone ever move up to Popular.
At the end of the episode, Jennifer realizes that the popular girls are really fake and her real friend is who she wanted to be with all along. Which apparently escaped my mom, somehow. Even though all of these episodes end this way (13 Going on 30, anyone?). Hmmmm.
And of course, there were those times that I was glad not to be popular. Like in 9th grade one of the popular girls was announcing in the lockerroom that she was afraid she was pregnant. Nonissue for me. (By the way, said girl later went to Denmark the year after graduation and was sent home. Early. She was EVICTED from the country. Yeah, I want to be her.) And the time when another popular girl asked in class one day why all the guys she dated thought it was really funny to fart and burp at her and how none of them really acted liked they cared, they were all just children. This is one of the perks of dating dorks - at least they try. They hold the door, they save their more base bodily functions for when they are in the car alone. Apparently, popular boys did not have to try so hard.
So I wasn't popular. I was a band geek. A theatre dork. A know-it-all nerd that answered too many questions in English class. Despite the urgings of people who shall remain nameless. Unless you want to refer back a couple of paragraphs. Sorry Mom. But in the end, I was who I was. I didn't pretend to be anyone else. I mean, I probably tried, but it never worked. I always ended up being the same person.
So what made those other girls popular? Family history? Some of them were from the "prominent" families in Monticello. Can you be a legacy, like in a sorority? Was it that they were more social? Like extroversion automatically makes you popular? Were they just pretty? Cause I didn't look so bad in high school, but I was probably already pigeon-holed by the time I outgrew my awkward phase (see social movement rule above). They certainly weren't more together. And some were smart, but many weren't, or at least didn't want anyone to think they were. Was it confidence?
So, who were you? And if you know what makes people popular in high school, I'm actually genuinely interested and will promise not to mock you.
7 comments:
I suspect that no one thinks that they were popular in high school (not that you were and are fronting -- I mean, I did meet you shortly after and you didn't put off any Heather vibe). But I will say that I was not unpopular, which I attribute to several reasons: 1) Small school where most everyone knew everyone since age 4 (not that that stopped anyone from being cruel from the truly unpopular kids). 2) I was quick enough to make some people laugh and the rest sorry that they'd tried to make fun of me. 3) My older brother was undeniably cool, which gave me legacy with the kids who had known him. 4) My sister was a terror, so some kids figured that being mean to her sister would displease her (an incorrect assumption).
I think if you ask people now (15 year reunion this year -- oy), they'd say that I was kinda just outside of the caste system in high school. I essentially ignored it, and it mercifully left me largely alone.
I was not remotely popular. I was slightly above the worst of the worst, but not by much. I upped my standings with theater and speech team. I am in the yearbook for "most mysterious". I got it by disappearing for Junior years to the Art's High, and then going to CC for my senior year. I know why I was unpopular. 1. My family was poor. In grade school, I wore hand me downs and second hand stuff. Its hard to move up as you noted. 2. My parents taught me to be opinionated. I have a big mouth. 3. I was raised on an organic vegetable growing commune with no running water or electricity. Do I have to say more? 4. I wasn't bad looking (I think I was pretty smokin' looking back on it now), but I wasn't into the kinds of pretty up things high schoolers are in to. I'm sure if I had straightened the curls and worn makeup every day, it might have been a little different.
I really quit hating being unpopular when I lost my virginity to a male ballet dancer, and then dated a college guy 6 years older than me that did body building and looked like the statue of David. Ok, that makes it sound like sex made me happy, but it was more than that. It was about hitting the more adult world with an understanding that there is more than high school. I dated those guys, but also hung out with a different crowd that didn't care about if I had Esprit jeans. I am still insecure about popularity sometimes, especially at work. I know I don't fit a mold, but by chosing to work in IT, I've at least picked a field where some of that stuff isn't as important.
Well, I wasn't popular, but I wasn't unpopular either. One of the advantages of going to a large inner-city school is that there are all kinds of cliques going on and it wasn't possible to keep track of who was popular in which circle. There were a few kids (like 3) that *everyone* seemed to know and like- one was the football coach's son, but he was also cute, and smart, and talented (he did some theatre stuff) and was just genuinely nice to everybody. Kid had it made, even though he had an odd name.
I was in a group of smart kids that were pretty similar to the friends I would make in college. Seriously, I'd bet you would all get along, same interests, same sense of humor, etc. I was in theatre and post secondary classes and kept to myself for the most part. I was a follower, not a leader. I did do some things for the yearbook, but mostly I stuck to my place as a cute geek girlfriend. (I was cute, not the geeks) I found out years later that I was maybe a little too quiet since apparently people assumed that I was always high. (which, no, I wasn't) I'm sure my baglady look from Ragstock didn't help.
Not that I am calling you out, but I recall a certain pin from your high school dayz....
Okay, that had nothing to do with high school or popularity. It was judged by outside judges from the Aquatennial.
I got much more popular as soon as I stopped caring. Then everyone seemed to think I was cool (if in a wierd way).
I'd guess it has most to do with confidence...it's huge in life in so many ways.
Well, you know who I was in high school. I think that people who are popular place too much value on the material and not enough value on the other aspects of life. They are popular because of money, family, and all that other stuff too. We just weren't those people. At least you got a crown for all your efforts!
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