So here we are, smack in the middle of the holidays again, and Pants and I are smack in the middle of our annual guilt trip about where we spend the holidays.
As a caveat to those reading who might be part of this decision - the guilt is solely our own and you should not feel guilty for inviting us. You are doing something nice and we are the schmucks who can't say no when we want to.
That being said, does anyone else have this dilemma around the holidays?
We have three immediately families and some extended family, and all want us to come to their house at some point around Christmas. We already dealt with the Thanksgiving debacle and our current decision to spend the day at one place and no longer drive from house to house to appease everyone. Someone always gets the short end anyway, no matter how hard you try. So I guess we're switching off on Thanksgiving and trying to hit the other groups some other time during the weekend.
So, back to Christmas. We have put Christmas morning until at least noon off limits, as this is our time at home with the kids. We invited MIL and SIL over for cheap coffee and cinnamon rolls from a can, and anyone else who wants to partake is welcome. You know where we live.
The problem is Christmas afternoon. We were spending Christmas Eve with Pants' family, but then BIL's wife said her parents would not give up Christmas Eve this year, so it got moved to Christmas afternoon. That same day, my dad called and wanted to have everyone over at the same time. So who do we say no to? The person who scheduled last, or the person who changed their mind after the date was set? With Pants' family we draw names, so it might be awkward to split up the party. But my dad always get the shaft with the holidays and I want that to change.
Maybe this is why I'm so conflicted about Christmas. What happened to families staying home and grandparents doing the traveling? Isn't that what happened when we were kids?
9 comments:
We all gathered at the grandparents when I was a kid.
We still do only one of the grandparents does two different christmas celebrations...one in WI one in IL. That way they are close(er) with one of them for everyone.
When I was growing up, one grandparent was in the TC, about 4 hours away, while the other set were in my hometown. So, going to my TC grandma's was a whole weekend occasion, and I don't remember it happening so much in conjunction with Christmas - more with Easter. We did see my local grandparents near/on the holidays, but I don't remember it being very set when it was. Might have been after church on Sunday or Xmas...
If we lived closer (or back in the TC), we'd be having the same problem with trying to see both sets of grandparents, one of whom lives an hour west of the TC, the others live an hour south. Now that we're farther away, and Mr. Kluges has on-call some of the time, it'll be Xmas here this year, with the in-laws coming.
Good luck - it's nice to have so much family around, but scheduling can be a bear!
It helps to have parents who appear to have some sort of guilt-shielding. And a narrow definition of "immediate family." My parents refused to consider any and all extended family obligations from the 23rd through the 25th. Weekend before? Fine. Week after? We'll think about it. Otherwise, it was just the 5 of us.
Jaysan and I hit my mom's side on Christmas Eve, my mom's Christmas morning, and his family is usually Christmas afternoon/evening. We used to try and fit my dad in there somewhere, but quit that a few years ago when I stopped feeling the need to speak to him. I has made for a more sane holiday season. Thanksgiving is much the same. My mom's on the day. His family usually the Friday after.
It's tough, when you never know when people will be doing stuff in advance. I'd try the yearly rotation thing, maybe switching between who to see for Thanksgiving and Christmas. But that's me. I need to keep things well organized or I'll lose it!
I think everyone has some degree of family juggling around the holidays. There's no good answer, because you can't be everywhere, but you feel guilty about anywhere that you aren't. Stupid holidays, being all stressful.
Its never easy, and sometimes, you just have to say its about your kids, not anyone else.
We have a problem in that Ajd wants to stay home and have time just with us, and his family won't travel, and my family all lives farther away. This year we're doing his dad's side (at his parents house) on Christmas Eve, with most likely his parents and akj and the Dude doing stuff before everyone gets there. His mom's side (basically Grandma) do Christmas day and we skip that.
We're sending my mom to a hotel Christmas eve so we can get some alone time, and my brother and his fiance are coming over with my mom on Christmas day afternoon. My dad will prolly show up with my mom, but thats not my business.
When I was a kid, one set of gp was 2 miles away, one was 600. Where we went depended on money. Either all the way to KS, local, or we ignored everyone and went to a hotel in the TC that had a pool. Eventually the stress of my dad's parents was too much and we did a community Christmas dinner with them at a local church, with occasional visits to KS.
No matter what, eventually you need to put your foot down and make them come to you, or pick a couple to go to and rotate, at least that's my take.
We struggle with it too- mostly because we do want to see/ spend time with these people. As far as problems go, it's a good one to have, you know? I try to keep that in mind, otherwise it gets too stressful.
My Dad's extended family finally got the memo that Christmas doesn't have to be on the 24/25th and they have now annexed the following weekend for the get together. I LOVE it- best decision ever made. This year, they even dropped the gift exchange- that means more food, wine and poker winning for me! :)
I grew up with in town grandparents. We went to my Dad's side x-mas eve (including midnight candlelight services). Then we had christmas at home until the afternoon, and then we went to see my mom's side. It worked out perfectly for years and years.
I do think that kids should be at their own home Christmas morning and beyond that, I am all for extending the season to as many weekends as needed.
In your shoes? I'd probably try to stick with your original plans - If your BIL's wife's (is she not SIL?) family wants that day- that is their problem. Either they have to do a switch off or make alternate plans, not you, KWIM? Especially if your BIL isn't the only other sibling for that family. Otherwise you are back to splitting the day again - makes for such a long day....
Good luck- it's so not just you!
As a child I never once spent a Christmas at home. We tried to spend every other year together on actual holiday with each family if finances allowed it.
It's important for each family to establish their own traditions. I like having time to ourselves, but we don't have a very large family. When we all lived in the same town I just had everyone over to my house. It got to be too much though, plus people moved. After that we did Christmas Eve with my family at my house and Christmas Day with his family. It's hard to find what's exactly right, but it will work out eventually. Good luck and happy holidays.
P.S. Could you email me your address so I can get your Christmas card in the mail? Apparently I lost your new address. Thanks!
I suggest moving overseas. It helps a lot. =)
Growing up, we always had X-mas at our house, with the only survivng grandpaprnts living in the same town, it was no problem.
After getting married, found out that Wog's family was used to celebrating X-mas on non-typical X-mas days, so no problem there either. Been pretty lucky. Overall, I really, really dislike going to other places to celebrate on the 24th or 25th unless it's a parent/parent-in-law house - but, that's me.
If I had kids, I'd make them the priority and try to travel as little as possible so they wouldn't get cranky.
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