Prelude to "Why?"

"What's that? What's that momma? What's that?" I now get a steady stream of "What's that?" in the car, every time we go anywhere. And pointing in some vague direction.

It's like playing I Spy, but with no clues.

Damn humans!

I was reading Time Magazine (now that I get People at home, I have to get something else at the grocery store) and they had "10 Ideas that are Changing the World". I love these issues because it's fun to guess if they're right or not.

Idea #2 is that more and more, we will be moving to a "self-service" world where we check out our own goods, etc. It first started in 1916 when the Piggly Wiggly became the first grocery store where you got your own goods instead of telling the shopkeeper what you wanted.

The author lamented at the end of the piece that we were having to do more of the work without getting paid, and wasn't that awful? Wouldn't that take up so much more of our time?

Au contraire, Ms. Kiviat. How nice would it be to order a meal from a computer at your table instead of having an obnoxious server interrupting your conversation every 5 minutes? How awesome is the idea of scanning and bagging your groceries as you move through the store, instead of filling your cart, unloading it, then bagging it all up again after waiting in line for 20 minutes because the lady in front of you has 35 coupons and wants to write a check?

I am the person who uses the self-check lanes whenever possible. I hate checkers who comment on my purchases or leaf through my magazines while I'm paying. I hate being bugged by a server 5 times before you're ready, having to specifically request ordering a children's meal with the drinks because they can't wait for the rest of the meal, and never being able to find a server when you are finally ready. I cringe when the server actually sits down with you like they're family (j'accuse, Outback!). I don't know you and I have personal space issues, freak show! Get out of my booth!

Even my fave downtown store has about 30 employees loitering around during lunchtime asking anyone and everyone if they can help them find something. Please, I know where to find everything in that store, from argyle socks to zebra bedding. Your constant approaches are costing me time! Save it for someone who looks lost.

Or better yet, put up kiosks where I can type in an item and it tells me where to find it and how to get there.

I should call them with that idea...

(And yes, I know my French is deplorable.)

Red-faced

So, my main cabinet problem has not been finding decent cabinets that fit my idea of what I want downstairs, it's been finding ones that are a) deep enough (at least 14 inches), and b) not horrifically expensive.

I swear to all of you that I looked on Ikea's website for what I wanted and didn't find it. And lo, last night, there it was. The cabinet I have been searching for: cheap, tall, with doors. Thanks for all the input, folks.

Now, I was going to get a countertop to mount in between, but it will stick out. I will most likely just get a nice piece of plywood and put a piece of molding along the front. I can integrate a power strip into it so we can put the computer on it. Thank god for flat panel monitors! (Is that blasphemous on Good Friday?)

New idea

So here's the new idea for storage downstairs. I buy a pair of these bookshelves, or ones like them, and make doors out of simple wood frames and sized rice paper. Slightly less crazy than building them?

On the clothing front, I'm considering these pants for my business trip (for which they explicitly said no jeans) and then getting a top to go with my black tweedy pants. I have a pair of tan jeans that I will wear out there, which aren't "jeans" per se, and we don't have to do anything the first night except eat dinner at The Weber Grill. Apropo, no?

Consultancy?

So, I went to a Pure Romance party on Friday, and I'm considering becoming a consultant. I have several qualifications:

Syl's College of Sexual Knowledge: I have been accused of having a large store of somewhat useless sexual knowledge. What better way to start using some of that in a practical way?

I have experience in training and am good at selling something I believe in. Several people told me I should sell Pampered Chef.

Another pro: women tend to spend more money at these parties than they intended to. I have seen several people go to these not wanting to spend anything or having a limit and they end up spending much more than they thought because they are so excited about the products.

The cons?
Time away from my kids doing parties.
More work on my off time.

So, I'm mulling it over. The consultant I saw this weekend is sending me some more information. Anyone need some romance enhancers?

Unsuccessful

I have lost the war of putting on 8 lbs. My belt tells me I might have lost even more, as it wants me to go in another loop. My pants are so bunched underneath, they cry all day. I can grab a handful of jeans on either side of my hips at any given time.

So, alas, it must be time to lose weight. Which is what I wanted, but then not. But it's becoming more okay, I guess, and I'm considering some new pants.

I tried on a Gap size 16 today and they fit. That's like a 14 in normal pants.

So I will have to purchase at least one new pair of pants for my business trip in early April. If I try to go in these, my pants will fall off when they ask me to remove my belt at the airport. As if security check wasn't invasive enough.

Random thoughts

Kitten put on the huge oven mitts when we got home tonight and ran out into the living room with her arms in the air, scaring the shit out of her sister.

We've been watching The Moment of Truth. When it's a decent person, we find it to be a good topic of marital conversation (Do you fantasize about other women? Um, doesn't everyone at some point? Have you flirted with another man? Duh.). When it's someone icky, it's just good television. America, do not go on this show if you are a skanky whore. And using it to broach the subject of divorce with your husband is just ratty.

Have you read the "email" supposedly from a customer to the company about the "Have a Happy Period" slogan? I doubt it was actually sent to the company and just handily forwarded to everyone via email, but it was downright hilarious. Handy pad messages like, "Put the hammer down," and "Vehicular manslaughter is wrong?" Now that's just good business.

I saw "We Are Marshall" on HBO the other night and I can't stop thinking about it. It could be the PMS, but it really got to me. It was actually pretty good. And it's hard to beat a movie with a good plane crash. Truly, though, it was really well filmed. Example - for the crash, the scene shakes for a split second and the screen goes black for almost a minute. So much more effective. Brilliant.

Neither of my children like Thin Mints, but Kitten digs Tag Alongs.

Catching up

I got my bonus for 2007 today with my paycheck, so I was able to pay all outstanding medical bills, insurance on all 3 vehicles, some of the bills for the month, and put a nice chunk of cash on the credit card. I have some more paperwork to fill out for mailing tomorrow, but otherwise I'm about done. I also need to make a couple of online purchases, including a new laptop battery and filters for the refrigerator water. And maybe some grocery shopping tonight. Eep! Gotta get moving.

How hard could it be?

I'm looking to build 2 very simple, matching cabinets with louvered doors. For the doors, I will buy a pair of prefab pine shutters, 15x63, which I can get for $60 for the pair. No frills, 14" deep, slightly wider and taller than the shutters. The shutters

How hard could it be? I've looked online at these cabinets (they're called chimney cabinets) and many places want upwards of $500-600 each. I have to be able to make them cheaper than that.

Desperately eating 8 lbs.

I've hit the stage where I am desperate to gain back the 8 lbs. I lost. And this, folks, is why I have trouble losing weight. In fact, if I succeed in getting the 8 back, I'll probably put on an extra 5 or 10, just for insurance.

So why do I need the weight, you ask? Good question. Time to head back to the journal and find out. Possible answers I have come up with already:

• Extra weight keeps me "safe" from being ogled, commented upon, or molested.
• Everyone plans all these great things for when they become thin again. Maybe I don't feel good enough to do the great things, and panic when I start to get thin. Maybe I don't feel good enough just to be thin. Thin people are cool, nice, helpful, and worthy.

Bear in mind, please, that these thoughts, while expressed here in actual words, tend to occur in my head as split-second emotions, and as such are completely devoid of logic. So no comments on how illogical they are - trust me, I know.