I think she got caught in his lederhosen...

I was reading the Taxi blog tonight (see sidebar for link, it's quite good) and I had an eigth grade flashback of just how uncool my life has always been. See, back in 8th grade, I had a friend who I thought at the time was very cool and I always thought my life was so boring compared to hers. (She went the way of the trollop and I soon quit hanging out with her, not that that relates at all to the rest of this post).

First of all, don't think this is some sobfest about how my life has gone awry and I'm some deprived suburban housewife tied down to a yard and kids. I have exactly the life I wanted (minus the teething and flatulence), and it's pretty fabulous.

But my life isn't book-worthy. It's not column-worthy. And for crying out loud, I don't know why you all keep coming back, it's certainly not interesting enough to fill these pages as often as I do. If it weren't for bad jokes and chronic constipation, I would have no material.

My life is just so... average. Not romantic or adventurous or chaotic. Now, take Mike. Mike is following his dream of acting and he's getting somewhere. In the meantime, he's doing what he needs to do to get by - he's driving a cab. That's dedication to a craft, to a dream.

My dream, if you can even call it that, when I graduated college was to write for a newspaper. Really, truly, I would like to be a critic. But honestly, it was just something I thought would be cool. Not a dream, not something I even considered moving for, or giving up anything for. So I sent resumes to a few places, took a corporate job "just to pay the bills" until I found something "real", and I'm still there 10 years later.

Maybe I'm mourning the fact that I never had a cool career goal, like lawyer, doctor, actor, something cool, something with some cache to it. Process writing (or Operational Engineering, as my title reads) is actually quite rewarding and a good fit for me. It might even be applicable in other fields, should I choose to leave my current job. I like my boss, my coworkers, my office. And it definitely pays the bills. But it's not the stuff of novels. Can you imagine? Syl's eyes grew wide, a look of terror spreading across her face. "No one has been collecting these accounts, not for months! Thank god I came when I did!" Not exactly riveting material.

It's probably just that I am fed up with my kids today and wondering what a different life would be like. A cool life. A life where I have exotic dreams and everything is like a movie. Like I only have to suffer for my dreams for 2 hours and then everything works out in the end.

Truth is, I think I'm living my dream. I love my family. I have a great job. I took the girls for a walk today on the path that goes by our house and found the big park a few blocks away. As we walked around the corner to see the pond, filled with geese and ducks, the huge playground and the baseball fields and ice rink, I was so thankful this was my home. This is where my kids are going to be from, this is where they are going to grow up. This is what I've been working towards - a quiet, secure, happy house where I can cultivate my family, a quiet job where I can be needed, feel smart, and still leave at 4:30 to pick up my kids.

So I guess the point is, some of us don't need fame or to work for a career goal that is noble or exciting, or whatever. Hey, more power to those who do, I hope they get it. Mike, I hope this latest job pans out into a blossoming career that pays the bills and satisfies you. I hope it brings you the kind of happiness I have already found. And I hope that you can get through the crappy days that will inevitably come with your dream and still keep the shine on it.

The point is, this was a crappy day and it made me wish for the romance of someone else's life. But their days are crappy too, and life ain't always beautiful. My house is a mess, my kids are crabby, and I would like to get some more sleep. But damn, life is good.