At 16 months, we have had to jumpstart the time out concept into our daily routine. Kitten is clearly pushing the limits to see what I will do about it. She's still mostly preverbal, so how do I know? When I tell her not to touch something, she looks at me and takes another swipe at it. She got timeout twice today.
Now, we can't just put her in a chair, she will get right up. She's a bit young (and willful) to get this concept. So I put her in the Pack 'N Play in Meimei's room. Two minutes. I know they're only supposed to get the same number of minutes as their age, but come on. One minute? Please. I can't even get out of the livingroom and back in that time. Kitten howled the entire time both times, so clearly she doesn't like it. And she started listening after that.
So how do I teach her the lessons? Well, we have long suspected Kitten understands much more than she can verbalize, so I have been talking to her for months as if she understands, on the off-chance she does. And something's getting through, because when I gave her warnings the rest of the day and said if she did it again she would go to timeout, she stopped whatever it was she wasn't supposed to do (playing with the trash can, smacking her sister, etc.).
I used to believe that if we could just make everything in the livingroom/dining room/kitchen babyproof we wouldn't have to worry about her. Today, I realized that it's the easy way out and that she will never learn to mind me in the outside world where things aren't all babyproofed and neat if I don't start having these battles at home. Especially when she starts walking. Lord help me.
And on an added note, Kitten tried to bite me today. She's never done that before, although I should have expected this kind of physical lashing-out. She can't yell at me, so what's really left to her? Anyway, she tried to bite me and I think I pulled the mom-voice, and possibly the mom-look. I was so shocked I said "Don't you dare" in my best Dirty Harry impression, and she was so shocked, she didn't dare. So, crisis averted. But my kid, a biter? Hmmm. Must be Pant's genes.
And there will be no comments from the peanut gallery on my childhood biting habits. I never have and I never will. I will deny all other versions and forward any comments that contradict my story to my therapist and a man trained in "shutting people up but good."
7 comments:
Sounds like the timeouts are working well. (At least from your side! Kitten, I'm guessing, is not so thrilled. *grin*) Seriously, it removes her from the situation, lets her know it's not ok, gives you a teeny tiny break from her behavior (but sometimes even two minutes helps a LOT), and seems to be making her think twice. Haven't tried them myself yet (because she'd just get out of the chair, too, and we don't have the pack'n'play set up right now), but they're something I'm definitely keeping in my parenting toolbox.
Pumpkin went through a biting stage, too. We did a lot of redirecting and "We don't bite people! You can bite food, but you can't bite people." (We try to tell her what she CAN do, not just what she can't, which sounded a little silly in the biting situation, but whatever.) Then for a while she'd look like she was thinking about biting, and then shake her head and say, "No bite people."
Anyway, good luck with it all!
Thanks for the ground-rules on Time-Outs, since I've been considering instituting them here at the office. I'll probably have to guess at people's ages, but I'm thinking that most of the time, a good half-hour/forty-five minutes in the supply closet to think about what they've done is going to go a long way.
Oh, and re: biting -- the Beauty Queen has it on record that I was a spitter -- so really, it could be worse.
The biting thing does NOT come from Pants, I'm afraid. Although we never did blame you for it, due to the pushy big brother. I give you credit for using the biting thing very judiciously and usually only when warranted. But biting,,,yes
Love, the "peanut gallery"
You can post anonymously, mom, but I know it's you and Guido will be appearing at your door shortly. Have a nice day.
Can we comment on your adult biting habits?
I would like to point out a scar I have on my arm from one radio show that you did not agree with me and, in a fit of exhaustion, bit me so hard on the arm it drew blood.
Was it warrented? Of, course not!
Oh crap. Busted. I don't even remember doing it.
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