Why I need all new kitchen appliances - Now with pictures!

My icemaker is broken.

Let me explain. This house has a well. It was built before there was city water here, in fact, this was the only thing at the end of a dirt road in the middle of a field. But I can't make a bottle with well water, so the previous owners switched the house over to city water. None of us wanted to cap the well, however (WAY too much paperwork), so they had it hooked to the outside water.

One does not generally run outside water in the winter, however, so the well was also hooked up to the icemaker so the well pipes didn't freeze up in the cold. Don't ask why this was the option, but it's just the way it is.

So the fact that my icemaker is broken is a titch more of an issue than most people's icemaker issues. I have no idea what will happen if the well pipes freeze, but I definitely do not want to find out. And since my refrigerator is a Magic Chef (yes, that is a brand name) side-by-side from approximately 1982, we're just going to replace it. And by god, if we are getting a new refrigerator, I am not leaving the store without new appliances in the kitchen. The fridge is the last piece I would have replaced.

Since many of my regular readers have not seen my appliances, I will attempt to enlighten you.

Stove: Lady Kenmore, definitely original to house. Someone, I don't remember who, walked into my kitchen and exclaimed that they remembered their mother desperately wanting the same stove in the 70s and then being mad when she got it because it's horrible to clean. I feel you sister. The solid surface cooktop is WHITE. The stove itself was once Almond, I believe, but the oven door was spraypainted black at some point, probably in the last few years. The oven cooks hot, sometimes. The stovetop cooks even hotter. I can't get down to a simmer on any burner. And the bottom drawer is off and basically just sits on the floor.

Microwave: most likely original. I especially enjoy the faux woodgrain detailing. Kashka walked in and immediately said, "That's from the Carter Administration." Actually cooks unevenly, so much so that one side of the hot dog will be burnt and the other side still frozen. And there's some cap inside in the top that appears to be coming off. That can't be safe. My kids are going to grow extra toes.

Dishwasher: an add-on, which I know because of the hose running through the cabinet between it and the sink. Also from the crappy framing patch-up job around it. But it can't be much newer than the early 80s. The seals are pretty much corroded off, I'm surprised it isn't leaking into the basement. The dishwasher doesn't really clean much of the food off anything, I pretty much have to wash everything before it goes in. And many of the little metal dividers on the racks have broken off (and are still breaking off) and then the rack rusts where the pieces broke off.