I'M NOT POOR

So, I finally started journaling today and the reason is money. I have issues with money. For some reason, my brain has equated watching your spending and sticking to a budget with being poor.

But we're not poor, we just have more financial responsibilities than we've ever had before. We spent $16,900 on daycare last year. Our mortgage is more than it was in the townhouse. We're still paying off the Scion. We're paying for diapers and about 500 cows'-worth of milk in a year (you think I'm kidding, but I'm not).

I have wondered why I couldn't stick to a budget. Why I couldn't keep from spending. Why we can't make ends meet with 2 perfectly good jobs.

But much of it is me. And the short-term fixes like "no spending month" are not going to fix the problem. The problem is the shame I have always had over being poor, growing up poor, and my fear that I will end up poor again. And my brain decided that not being poor meant that we wouldn't have to watch what we spent, or stick to a budget, or care what things cost. Those were for poor people. Those are poor thoughts. We are at least middle class and we should not have to do those things.

So now that I got it out, I know where the thoughts are coming from and can combat them with reason. Thank you once again, Molly Blackmore, Psychologist, for setting me up to work through these things. I swear I'm leaving my vast estate to you.