I have discovered that it's one thing to stop spending for 30 days. You can tell yourself each day, "Oh, you can just get it when this is over." It's quite another thing to think that you will be living as you are for the next 3 1/2 years. No excess spending. No gadgets or gizmos. Continue cutting out the dollars where you can.
I've actually been quite depressed the past couple of weeks at the prospect of this. That this won't be letting up anytime soon. That I can't continue to use shopping to occupy my time, keep myself entertained, make myself feel better. That I can't even do what I want to the house because it costs money and we can't afford it. I'm not even talking about remodeling the kitchen or putting on an addition. I'm talking about painting a room.
And I think I'm even more depressed now that I even need these things. That it's depressing me this much. That I can't just shake off the trappings of materialism and live with what I have.
Which is plenty. We don't go hungry. We have clothes and a nice home. Why isn't this enough?
12 comments:
I know just how to cheer you up, let's get together and watch a little Predator.
You need something to replace the shopping happy making. Find a better habit and start doing that instead. I'd suggest exercise or gardening -- both can be done using what you have now and are super healthy alternatives. Very rewarding. Hang in there, Syl. Give yourself something else to focus on and some time to adjust.
I so know what you mean! And I wish I had an answer for "why isn't this enough"?
Also, to add on to what Ang said, get rid of the triggers. How do you find out about stuff you didn't know you wanted? Catalogs? Certain websites? Magazines? Unsub, unsub, unsub.
I second (or third) getting replacements for shopping. I'd tell you what I've replaced it with in my case, but that'd be wrecking your BIRTHDAY SURPRISE.
Oh, and quitting one's job. That's the other tip I have, but I can't really recommend it for anyone with actual responsibilities.
I fourth the replacements. I can't say I've done it successfully yet though. I did OK when I took the pay cut after moving back MN. I gave myself a cash budget each week to go out to eat, get fun stuff, etc. Having a physical representation of what I had left really helped. I will most likely go back to that when i head back to work, or I'll be at Starbucks every morning again.
Good luck finding a stand-in for shopping!
Sweetie, we're eyebrow-deep in a consumer culture. That means we've already drowned. Your difficulty and depression when faced with denying yourself this aspect of your culture isn't any sort of negative reflection on you! You're denying yourself something you enjoy, something you have not always had, and something that is constantly presented as happiness, success, fulfillment. You're changing habits, which is always difficult. Don't beat yourself up over feeling depressed about this. Pat yourself on the back now for recognizing what you have to do and realistically facing it. And pat yourself on the back again every time you succeed in making this change, because it's incredibly difficult -- I certainly haven't managed it!
Pusher - that was so true & brilliantly said.
Sorry for the late reply - the stupid filters at work don't always let me see the most up to date posts.
Because I just am this way, I'm going to argue with Pusher a bit.
Yes, we are a very consumeristic society. But, I say what you are feeling is just being human.
If we (humans) didn't constantly want something more, dream of something better, we wouldn't have ever advanced. So, while you can blame society (and the gods know it deserves some) you are really just being human. You want something better for your family and yourself. Even if it's a painted room. It just happens that there are current limitations. But, these current limitations give you something to strive for beyond that.
Respect it, aknowldege it, and then see what you can do about it. Sometimes, the best thing to do is nothing, or just give yourself time. Let yourself be bummed for a day or two. It's okay.
Awsome suggestion from SKJ (of course) on removing triggers. That really goes a long way!
Oops - that was AKG and Ang there for the suggestion. Fat fingers!
Grr - did it again. (AKJ) I give up.
I know all about this, that was a major problem for me too. It helped me so much by moving where there is no where to shop. I'm not advocating this for everyone or anything, just saying it helped me. I replaced shopping with blogging and playing video games with the kids. Not real healthy habits, but at least they're inexpensive.
I have some spare paint in Big Lake if you aren't particular about the colors you use....
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