Finished

One slightly irregular keyhole scarf, black, gray, and (what turns out to look like) pink. I didn't get the colors quite right as I envisioned them in my head and there are some issues here and there, but otherwise it turned out okay.


Question for you knitters out there: is it necessary to roll yarn into a ball? What's the purpose? What's the deal with that?

Starting over

Yesterday, I unraveled my 106 stitch by 44 row crochet of a poncho that I have started at least 4 times already. This was the farthest I had gotten on it, only to hold it up and find the sides both laughingly uneven. I'm talking inches off. Ah well.

As a reaction to this Christmas, I have started crocheting and will pick up knitting this year most likely as well. I also bought a pocket knitter, which is sorta cheating, but it makes really nice stitching and it's really easy to use. Not a ton you can screw up with it.

Back to Christmas. With the gift of my grandmother's sweaters, it has become clear what I need to do to take back Christmas. I need to make gifts that mean something, at least to someone. I need to give my kids something that lasts longer than the Fisher Price Little People Airplane.

So I am getting crafty this year and making things. Poorly, but I'm still trying.

Home again, home again, jiggety jig

Home again today, this time for myself. My laryngitis has gotten so bad most everything comes out as a whisper. My sinuses ache. Can you bruise your tailbone from coughing too much?

This weekend, I managed to freeze three meals for future use and make a ham and lentil soup on Sunday. So, I have some food ready for the week.

Also, the dr.s' office scale showed I am 7 lbs. down already. Hm. If I meet my goal in February, what will I do for the rest of the year?

Cracking My Space?

Anyone know how to view a blog without becoming a "friend" and having that person know you are viewing their blog?

I'M NOT POOR

So, I finally started journaling today and the reason is money. I have issues with money. For some reason, my brain has equated watching your spending and sticking to a budget with being poor.

But we're not poor, we just have more financial responsibilities than we've ever had before. We spent $16,900 on daycare last year. Our mortgage is more than it was in the townhouse. We're still paying off the Scion. We're paying for diapers and about 500 cows'-worth of milk in a year (you think I'm kidding, but I'm not).

I have wondered why I couldn't stick to a budget. Why I couldn't keep from spending. Why we can't make ends meet with 2 perfectly good jobs.

But much of it is me. And the short-term fixes like "no spending month" are not going to fix the problem. The problem is the shame I have always had over being poor, growing up poor, and my fear that I will end up poor again. And my brain decided that not being poor meant that we wouldn't have to watch what we spent, or stick to a budget, or care what things cost. Those were for poor people. Those are poor thoughts. We are at least middle class and we should not have to do those things.

So now that I got it out, I know where the thoughts are coming from and can combat them with reason. Thank you once again, Molly Blackmore, Psychologist, for setting me up to work through these things. I swear I'm leaving my vast estate to you.

Not broken

So, the radiology report came back and said my toe was normal. Not broken. I guess the doc saw a shadow on it. I thought it was a shadow or a ridge in the bone, but she said it was broken.

So apparently I just jammed the hell out of it.

The unintentional diet

Now, I'm trying to make better decisions with eating and exercising, toe not withstanding. I really want to meet my goal of losing 20 lbs. this year.

I think I'm cheating, though.

The stomach virus gained me a hole in my belt. My current face-eating cold virus has gained me another one.

I haven't weighed myself yet, but you have to think that's a couple of pounds at least.

Random Thoughts

The triumphant return of Random Thoughts (and nighttime cold medicine).

The Moment of Truth gameshow - please allow us to destroy your marriage, alienate your friends and family, and make you look like an ass in front of America by exposing thoughts that were never meant to be public. There's a reason we have a tact filter people. Hope it's worth the money. Oh, and did I forget, destroy your career?

"Whoa, Meimei, you stink. There's something rotten in Denver!"
"It's Denmark."
"Not this time."

Wow, you should see the bruising on my toes now.

My sinuses are burning, I croak like a frog when I talk, and bark like a seal when I cough. Gotta love viruses.


I'm going to make some tea.

Locusts, anyone?

January by the numbers in the Pants household:

• 1 stomach virus (other two were prior to Jan. 1)
• 1 face-eating cold (Pants)
• 4 stitches in 1 2-year old
  
• 2 stitches grown under skin, which had to be cut to have them removed
• 150 mg - my new dose of Zoloft
• 1 toe broken, and 2 crutches that will probably cost 1 arm and 1 leg
• 2 flus - 1 harsh and 1 mild
• 4 pinkeyes and 1 ear infection - just got back from the clinic tonight.
• $100 in copays for clinic visits
• $75 for the ER
• $66 for scrips
• $60 for the oral cancer test at the dentist (mine - negative)

I'm starting to feel like the Egyptians. Bring on the locusts.

My album drops in February

Gen Language - People Who Snub You


Thanks Ms. HH. Instructions for your band and album cover here.

Toe news

Warning: this post contains toe pictures. Those who do not wish to see toes should not scroll down.

So, I'm now crutchless and just hobbling around on my broken toe, hoping I don't stub it, put any weight on it, or bend it wrong. And that it doesn't get stepped on by tiny toes.

If I had it to do over again, I don't think I would go to the doctor's office for it. I was pretty sure it was broken about 20 minutes after it happened. I knew they would just tape it to the next toe. I could have avoided the crutches, as I probably wouldn't have needed them even the first night if I hadn't driven myself to the clinic on my broken toe. And the drugs haven't been that essential, I've been taking them before bed only because they're there.

I tried to find my hiking stick for some extra support on the icy sidewalks and roads here, but I can't seem to locate it. I looked for a cane at CVS, but they only had super-ugly metal ones. Whatever, I guess I don't probably need one.







************ Toe alert*************







Still, the thing that really surprised me was the bruising:

B-R-O-K-E-N

I now know my tailbone is not broken.

I know this now because I broke my toe this evening. And breaking things hurts. Bad.

So now my little baby toe is taped to the next one up and I have a crutch to help me get around, although I may switch to my hiking stick in a few days or a week. Oh, and I'm whacked out on goofballs.

Green things I do

Since my interest sparked in greening my life, here is a list of things I'm doing right. So it doesn't seem so bad about the things I do wrong.

• I now make my own coffee in a french press at work instead of buying it from the shop downstairs, so I no longer use a new cup and lid everyday (not to mention the money savings). The press doesn't plug in, so I am only using the same energy for the water machine that would already be used. I drink a smaller cup of coffee every day, so I drink the entire cup and it no longer bothers my stomach and I am using less water (1/3 of the water consumption in the US and Europe is used to make coffee!!).
• I ask for no bag at stores as much as possible and try to carry a bag with me. Target just came out with a great one that zips into itself so it fits in a purse. It ends up about the size of a checkbook.
  
• I take 3 minute showers. I really just don't have the time to take longer ones, but it still counts.
• I always turn the water off when I brush my teeth and when the girls brush theirs.
  
• Pants and I carpool to work.
  
• All our outside water comes from our well.
  
• I give old stuff to goodwill instead of throwing it out, if it's still usable.
• We recycle all electronics. We also now have a small plastic bin in the hall closet for compact fluorescent bulbs and batteries that need to be recycled.
• I have switched to Aveda products because they offer refill sizes and don't use pressurized sprays.
  
• I refuse to buy anything new until I have used up what I have. This applies to shampoo, body wash, cleaning products, hair products, makeup, and anything else I have had a tendency to purchase new when I have tons at home. I figure it's even more wasteful to throw out products that are bad (wasteful, toxic, etc.) than to just use them up. The cat's already out of the bag, right?
  

I think I broke my ass

Ow.

I went skiing with Pusher and Puck today, but the combination of my natural grace, the recent thaw and refreeze, and the lack of recent snow, makes me nearly certain I broke my coccyx.

You see, the snow is very hard and icy today, and when one's huge-ish ass goes airborne briefly and then WHUMP!s down on the icy ground so hard it can be distinctly heard at least 30 feet away, it spells B-R-O-K-E-N.

The worst part is going to be explaining the donut pillow at work tomorrow.

Biggest Loser?

I have never watched "The Biggest Loser" before. But there was nothing on tonight and I didn't feel good, so I turned it on.

First of all, I don't know if there is any way on this green earth that I would get up in front of the world in a sports bra and stretch shorts. On TV.

Second, I am horrified that some of those women are at or around my weight. ACK!! I'm FAT!! I'm Biggest Loser FAT!! I never think of myself as fat, at least not until I see pictures, but dear god, those women are fat. And they're ME.

Last year, AKJ said "Ass: you are on notice." And she kicked it.

Well, AKJ, you are now my inspiration. So here goes:

Stomach: you are on notice. I am tired of camouflaging you, excusing you, binding you in, and denying your existence like the elephant in the room. You are sapping my energy and making me ugly. So consider this your written notice - your days are numbered.

Stitch 'n Bitch?

If I were to set up a night monthly to run a stitch 'n bitch, is there a time of month, or a specific day that is bad for anyone? A time that would be better? I don't want to set it up on a day that's always bad for someone.

Spawn of the dead

As we were getting the kids down to bed last night, ran down the hall to her bedroom, tripped, and bit straight through her lower lip.

I was first on the scene ("There's blood.") and Pants threw Meimei into her crib and joined me in the bathroom with Kitten. As we got some of the blood cleared off, it was clear she would need stitches. Off the ER.

I'll spare you most of the details of how we couldn't be "fast-tracked" because she would require some mild sedation for the stitches, and the next 4 hours in the waiting room. (There was a particularly gruesome 90 minutes where Kitten would run over to a wall, pick up an invisible microphone, and sing what we later decided was "bad... ask anyone" repeatedly. If anyone knows what that might be from, please leave a note in the comments. I wish I had video.)

We got called in at 10:45 and they finally got down to sedation and stitches about an hour later. Again, I will spare you most of the gory details. The sedative was not complete, however, and Kitten ended up looking like a zombie during the stitching. It was total Night of the Living Dead.

So now we've joined the stitches club, 2 on the outside and 2 on the inside. The outside ones have to be removed on Friday.

Best Gift Ever

My mom gave these sweaters to the girls for Christmas this year, but it was really a gift for me. You see, these are my sweaters. My grandma knitted them for me when I was little.

Grandma had tons of grandkids and she used to knit us sweaters all the time. When her Alzheimer's began to advance, it broke her heart because she couldn't keep her place in her knitting or read a pattern anymore. Grandma died in summer of 2006 from the disease and I felt like she had been lost a long time.

I had no idea my mom kept these sweaters - I haven't seen them since childhood. I feel like I got my grandma back, the one I remember.

And to me, that's what Christmas is supposed to be. Getting something you didn't even know you needed. Something special you can't buy in a store.

This year for Christmas, I got back the love and memory of my grandma, built into two sturdy little cotton sweaters she knitted for me by hand.

Full Resolution Post

So, I'm feeling really ready this year to tackle some things. I feel emboldened (like a terrorist) to make some leaps. So here are my plans.

• We got a Wii and I want to use it to work out a little bit. Pants and I boxed the first night and I was sweating like a pig.
• I also want to do some yoga. I seriously need some stretching.
• I plan to journal more. Or at all. I've missed it and need to get at some deep stuff.
  
• I plan to de-nuk this household. The girls only use them for bed here, and never at daycare, but it needs to end.
  
• I plan to stop using my credit card.
  
• I plan to lose 20 lbs., but I'm not sure yet how that's going to happen. I guess I have a year to figure it out.
• I plan to work on my relationship until we aren't strangers anymore. Since we had kids, it's not that things are bad, it's just that we've become more like... roommates. I want to get back to our relationship.
  
• I plan to evaluate situations individually and realistically and make smart decisions based on actual facts, not on what I think I should be doing. Hmmm, not sure how we'll measure that one.
  

And, as always, those are my resolutions, these are my wishes. I will wish to make more good decisions than bad. I will wish at the end of every day for one more day to start over. I will wish for the wisdom to raise my daughters into women like those that I know and love today. I will wish for compassion and passion and happiness. And sleep.

2007 in Review

1. What did you do in 2007 that you’d never done before? Landscapapalooza
2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I did not speak ill of Pants on my blog without bitching to him first, but the rest of them died a quick death. I have already posted some of my resolutions, but this year I plan to keep them in the forefront and not forget about them until 364 days from now.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? No?
4. Did anyone close to you die? I don't think so.
5. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007? Continuous drive to do my best.
6. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Finishing the girls' rooms
7. What was your biggest failure? Not staying on my medication at all times, falling down and not getting back up.
8. Did you suffer illness or injury? No
9. What was the best thing you bought? BFTV
10. Where did most of your money go? Target. Daycare. Lane Bryant.
12. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Firefly.
13. What song will always remind you of 2007? Hey There Delilah
14. Compared to this time last year, are you a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer? Same/Same/Poorer
15. What do you wish you’d done more of? Taking care of myself.
16. What do you wish you’d done less of? Zoning.
17. What was your favorite TV program? Gossip Girl.
18. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate last year? Katherine Heigl
19. What was the best book you read this year? Oh dear. Does "What's Wrong, Little Pookie?" count?
20. What was your greatest musical discovery? Fall Out Boy. I know, late to the party.
21. What was your favorite film this year? We only saw 3 films in the theater this year. I guess Harry Potter takes it.
22. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Stop being so hard on myself. Get up and move.
23. What kept you sane? Sane?
24. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? No one.
25. What political issue stirred you the most? Larry Craig's bathroom shenanigans.
26. Who was the best new person you met? Did I meet anyone new this year? I think it might be Ellen, the trainer from Oklahoma. Never met someone so cool and so positive in my life.
27. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007. It's you that has to set the pace. It's you that has to choose to make the mark.

28. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
Our friends will all laugh at us and we'll just laugh along because we know that they have never felt this way.

Under Construction

I'm doing some work here for the new year, so please excuse my dust.

Additionally, since I am a being under construction, here is a list of the work I will be doing this year on myself:

• Lose 20 pounds. This is 10% of my body weight, which many doctors say this is enough to lower your risk factors in several categories.
  
• Nukkie-free household.
  
• Return to journaling - and blogging doesn't count because there are things I won't say here.
• Make it through the year without putting another small purchase on a credit card (a major purchase, like a washer and dryer, is a different story).
  
• Get reacquainted with my husband.