The wife of a friend of ours recently passed away at the age of 30, which always gets you thinking. Apparently, her lifelong dream was to swim with the dolphins, which she never got to do. Pants was horrified. We figured it would probably have cost $1000 to $2000 to go down to Florida and do it. And for a lifelong dream, isn't it worth it to just spend the money and do it, especially considering you could die at any time?
Anyway, Pants wanted to know if there was anything in my heart of hearts that I absolutely had to do before I died so we could start planning to do it. Isn't he the best? But, to my own horror, I could not think of one thing. I can certainly think of a list of things that I would like to do before I die, but none of them are so important as to be mentioned at my funeral 3 times during eulogies.
And it kind of started to scare me. Do I have no dreams for myself? If you stop dreaming, you die. I don't remember who said that, but this whole thing has me freaked out. Have I had so great a life that there is nothing else I am burning to do? I do get to do a lot of things others don't dare (adventure weekends, traveling abroad), but isn't there something else, something beautiful, poignant, or daring.
So what is your lifelong dream? And if you have heard me say anything about it, what is mine?
8 comments:
Beautiful, poignant, or daring? Sweetie, just look in the eyes of your children and husband. You think your life is perhaps boring? I think you fight everyday for the things that matter most to you. You're an inspiration, my dear! You've paid such a price to get where you are today. $1000 to $2000 my ass. Some dreams cost so much more and you've been willing to pay that price.
Beautiful, poignant, and daring -- you've got all that. Maybe it's a life long dream of many other people, too, to have a family. I've only heard a few of the horror stories of giving birth and I'm practically beyond words to describe my admiration. Just because other people have done it too doesn't less it's value. It's still priceless.
And if you happen to decide there's something else you want to do before you die, well, go do that too.
I'm going to go back to writing my 3rd book now (my dream come true).
Yeah, I'm living the dream.
But if you stop dreaming, you die. Once, on West Wing, they kept flashing back to when he was getting elected and once something was done, he would say, "Next." In the episode, he had been shot. When he got out of surgery and everyone knew he was going to be okay, his first word was "Next."
So, I have my dream of my family, my kids, something I dreamed of and wanted for years. Something we worked very hard for.
But, what's next?
I do remember you specifically saying that you wanted to help support me if I ever did anything crazy like quit my job and go to school full-time. Which, I kinda just did.
Oh, wait, that wasn't you. Or anyone. Nevermind.
The whole thing with "next" is kinda why it seems like I'm always doing something different. I used to think "OK, I get this promotion at work and everything's going to be set," or "I get this new haircut and everything's going to be set." Which just made me feel stupid when these things didn't make my life perfect. I'm never going to reach this "It's all set" place. So, rather than not anticipate (or dreaming, if you prefer) anything anymore, which indeed leads to hunks of your soul dying every day, I've stopped wasting that anticipation on stuff or how things are going to turn out and tried to focus instead on the experience itself. Especially with kids around, it's so much cooler to see what weirdness they're going to come up with than try to make them sit on my lap in their pinafores and read stories, or whatever nonsense I thought being an aunt was going to be like.
Before I die I'm going to eat an entire sheet cake at one sitting. Which will probably be what leads to my death, and therefore be quite easy to work into the eulogy any number of times.
I hear you, Syl. Not to belittle the wonderful life and blessings I've got because I do value and appreciate them immeasurably, but that doesn't mean I can't have dreams and ambitions beyond/in addition to this.
But what they are... well... I've got a lot of daydreams, but I don't know if I have a "DREAM" dream like you're talking about either. I mean, I'd love to see the Great Wall of China, visit Venice again (*smile* I LOVE that I get to say "again" for that one - and it was on my 30th birthday, too!), and see the Pyramids. I also want to raise happy, healthy, confident, caring, responsible kid(s), and watch them grow up into happy, healthy, confident, caring, responsible adult(s). I want to take my kid(s) to Disneyland someday. I want to go backpack camping and hike along the Superior Hiking Trail with my husband. I want to do NaNoWriMo someday (or maybe just write a novel and take more than a month to do it). I want to take a vacation where I get to work/learn/relax on an old time tall sails sailboat. I want to see the Grand Canyon someday...
Ok, I guess maybe I do have a few dreams. Thanks for making me think about it, Syl!
Anyone else all teary and mushy over Ang's comment? No? Just me? Ok, moving on.
That is really tragic that she died so young- but you are right, it does really make you think. I've done a lot of things that I wanted to do with my life (but I am often like Kaska and fall into the "ok now I'm set" trap) There are so many things I want to do that I am not sure there are one or two that would be euology material, you know? I want to travel, I want to live in the woods, I want to hike the Appalacian trial, I want to do the breast cancer 3-day, I want to write a children's book and get it published, I daydream about going back to school so that I might change careers (but to what, I don't know)...
Are you thinking of Langston Hughes?
Dreams
Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly.
Hold fast to dreams
For when dreams go
Life is a barren field
Frozen with snow.
Apologies in advance if this makes no sense. I suck at philosophy.
I think "Next" sounds depressing as hell. I would hate to live a life of checking shit off some interminable mental list. Sure I'd have all those accomplishments, but ... yuck. I mean, I get that looking forward, dreaming, is a good thing, but I don't think you always need to be in a state of "next". At least, I don't.
And I guess I don't get why your "things I would like to do before I die" list gets devalued just because there isn't one big "eulogy-worthy" item on it (other than the one you're totally living right now).
Work is calling, so I'm going to cut this short even though I think there were a couple other things I wanted to say, and just wrap it up with this: dreams are about seeking happiness, to me, right? I don't have any kind of lifelong dream, but there are times I look at my life, at all of you people in it, and I'm so happy I bounce around like a complete spazz, or almost start crying even when I'm not pre-menstrual. And if I *did* have a lifelong dream, and I died tomorrow without completing it, and people at my funeral treated it as if somehow my life were less — less fulfilling, less marvellous, less joyful — just because I hadn't done that one thing? I think I'd be kinda pissed off.
ooh! I want to change my answer to what Pusher said.
Ok, that anonymous one was me - I don't know why it didn't say so, but whatever. And Pusher, well said!
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