For the month, while I cannot really write daily, as stuff usually comes up, I am working to blog as much as I can and I am focusing on myself and introspection. I know, I know, "Woo hoo, Syl's philosophical crap all month!" So come or go, it's my site.
So this is who I am. I am someone who, if she schedules with you, schedules the rest of the day or at least several hours longer than anything actually takes. I do not, stack appointments, or if I do, I freak out all day that things will run over time and I will have to inconvenience someone. I don't like to tell people no, so I don't overschedule if I can help it.
This has a double benefit in that, with any extra time, I can usually spend some time with myself. As an introvert, this is priceless.
Pants is the kind of person who schedules as much in a day as possible, which can cause conflict. Case in point: my dad has invited us for a barbecue on Saturday, starting at 3. We are going, but Pants also wants to catch a movie afterward with a friend (The Departed). This works at this point because we usually have to be home early anyway to put Kitten to bed, but in the past it's been the point of contention - Pants made plans on a day when we were going to my dad's house. Because my dad is like me - plans for the whole day.
And maybe that is why I do it, too. My dad plans for the whole day. My mom plans for the whole day, or at least used to expect me to follow along with whatever plans she had made for the day. So when I make plans, I often just schedule out the day and put someone else in the driver's seat. I'll do whatever you want to do, for as long as you want to do it. (Zip it, Jaysan)
So going forward, I will work on asserting my will, or at least attempting to have one. Maybe that's really the issue: I don't think my plans are worth someone else's (see how valuable this writing stuff is? better than therapy!). I don't think my time is worth someone else's.
It all comes back to me not asking for what I want or need because, deep down, I don't feel like it's as important as other's needs. It's funny how this one thing seeps it's way into everything. Go figure.
2 comments:
What?
You get on with your bad self.
Maybe that's why we're such good friends. We're still so much alike even though we have had like 2 seconds to spend time together since hs graduation (well, okay maybe a little longer than that but it just never seems long enough). Sounds like we both need to plan a strategy to learn that we're important people too, and that we can make our own choices.
Take all the time you need and know that I'm thinking of you!
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