Ooh, garden tool

L.L. Bean multipurpose garden spoon

Just really oddly shaped

So here's why I don't want to buy any new clothes:

If any of you have had your gall bladder removed (and okay, so you probably haven't, but if you know someone), you know the gastronomical effect it can have. The gall bladder stores bile and injects it into your intestines to assist in processing fat. When you don't have one, you have no injection of bile to help you process fat, the bile just sort of leaks into your intestine all the time instead of only at the right time. So you don't process fat correctly. You do the math.

So now I can't really eat fast food. Or anything greasy, like pizza, etc. And this, as you can imagine, is having a positive effect on my weight issues. It's going slowly, which is fine and it's how it's supposed to be. But I'm sort of in between sizes right now, the fat clothes are too big and the thin clothes are too small. I don't know what to do about it. But I can't buy anything else because it will be a huge waste. I will (hopefully) only be able to wear it for a couple of weeks before it's useless.

The problem is this - everything is headed south. In a hurry. I don't think my skin is going to bounce back from this. I don't know if I will ever be able to wear cute clothes again, or look good in anything. Disheartening. It kinda takes the excitement out of losing weight. Damn.

Raking my troubles away

For a small town preacher's kid with no discernible job, Ariel in Footloose sure seems to have quite a bit of disposable income. Boombox and contraband music cassettes. Skin-tight pleather pants. Red cowboy boots. Music box for boyfriend she hasn't even kissed yet. Hmm.

I went grocery shopping today and alas, bought two canvas bags branded with the Cub logo (although they were 2 for $7) and a pair of barbecue tongs. Not necessary, not food. But items that were cheaper than what I was going to buy on purchase day, and I wanted to avoid using the plastic bags. I figured I could wait to buy the bags online because they wouldn't get here in time for me to go grocery shopping anyway, but then there they were, at the checkout. So I guess I am not counting them as against the rules. Although they really probably are.

But I was distracted today by Kitten being ill. In fact, if she sounds as bad tomorrow morning with the wheezing and shallow breathing as she did today, we're going to urgent care. At the end of the day, when she went to bed, I was so DONE I was freaking out. So I went out and raked the lawn. Only about half of the front, but it was so nice.

I don't know if anyone remembers, but I used to clean when I got mad or stressed. I did a lot of cleaning the year I dated Dan. Anyway, I use to clean like a mad woman when I got mad. And this evening, as I raked and wondered why I got the urge to do it, I remembered that. And I thought maybe, just maybe, this is the answer to my buying urges. Maybe when I'm getting itchy to make a stupid purchase, I can do a little cleaning or some gardening and it will calm my nerves. I don't know how that will help me at work with Target just one block away calling my name, but it's worth a shot at home. It's better than online window-shopping like some drunk hanging out in a bar hoping to get high on second-hand liquor fumes.

3 weeks and counting

This week was harder to not buy. MUCH HARDER. I have been itchy, almost to the point of panicky, since my last post. Been to Target again - but only bought People and a Lean Cuisine lunch to nuke back at the office. Been online shopping - BAD - but haven't bought anything. Making a list of stuff for Purchase Day. Still actually quite short. Funny how much stuff you think you need that you don't need.

What I've bought that I shouldn't have:
Meimei outfit from Carter's (I decided the $4 jammies for Kitten were necessary, as getting a good deal on next year's jammies that will certainly be used can't be all bad. But the outfit was pure waste.)
Gardening magazine
Garden tool from L.L. Bean

I ordered the tool almost as soon as I saw it. I would have bought it anyway and I bought it with a gift card, and I thought I couldn't wait because of shipping, but it could have waited until May 6. I would have had it before I needed it.

We are having guests next week at work and I don't have fat clothes appropriate for guests. So I might have to purchase a pair of khaki capris or something this weekend. I only have jeans. But we'll see. I might be able to make another pair of pants work.

On the purchase list for May 6:
canvas bags for grocery shopping - I'm trying to take small steps into going green
a trellis for the front of the house

and that's it. There's a Pampered Chef catalog going around at work and I wrote some things down today, and I might get the barbecue tongs if I can't find a good pair because Pants burned himself several times last summer. But I think the list will get quite whittled down prior to May 6. Our incentive? All money left at the end of the payweek goes into our new Orange savings account for the house! Yay!

Itchy

I'm dying to buy something today. Had a dream last night that I was shopping through L.L. Bean for garden tools, which gave me the bright idea to use my giftcard to buy garden tools at www.llbean.com. They only have one, but it looks pretty cool.

Anyway, I was also looking at land for sale last night and I think this is what has me really itchy. I found a piece I want. 10 acres. Creek running through a corner of it. Heavily wooded, no buildings. Private. Perfect for camping. Put a quaint little prefab one-room thing on it with a wood stove. It's killing me.

So I have spent the whole day trying to figure out how to buy it and it just doesn't work. Not with daycare. And I've been dying to buy something else. Anything. Went to Target, but I held out. Now I'm in for the night, thank God. Ooh, I want to buy something.

On the brighter side, I checked my pension and my 401k and I have a lot of money. Yay! And we are doing alright and should be able to buy a piece of land in a year or two if we stay on track.

Change in plans

We've decided the following:

We will not do the bedroom, we will only fix the closets. I can't move the bar in Pants's closet to mine, the closets aren't the same size. But I did find out that there is a piece I can buy to attach to my stupid little closet squares and fit a sliding rack, so not everything has to be scrapped out of my closet.

We will not buy a new shed. Pants will strip the current shed down to the 2x4s and recover it with new plywood and shingles. One day, we will replace it with something just a bit larger. We will also clean out the shed BIG TIME and get rid of all the trash left by the previous owners.

Pants is cleaning out the garage this week so he can have a poker party this weekend for his birthday. It looks really good and is a nice start to getting the garage stripped and insulated, which will happen throughout the summer. We also have to wire some new lights in there before the insulation and drywall goes up. Insulating the garage will help the house insulation quite a bit, as the closet back wall is just drywall. No insulation. Just drywall. No wonder it's cold.

I am taking next Friday off to paint the house. Or at least get a start on it. I have to get the garage doors cleaned, patched and primed first. Then it's off to the races. Isn't it?

My particular brand of crazy

Just so you all know who you're dealing with here:

I used to think, as a child, when I went into the bathroom and the shower curtain was pulled, you know, for pretty, that there was a dead clown in the bathtub. I didn't really think about how it got there or how it got dead, but it was dead and it was bloody. I can still see it in my head. And yes, mom, I will be expecting your call tomorrow. Now you know why I wouldn't take the clown lamp for Kitten's room.

The scariest scene in any movie is from The Serpent and the Rainbow, where they bury the guy alive and he wakes up and he can't scream or move and a HUGE SPIDER WALKS OVER HIS FACE. It hiked my arachnaphobia up to red alert for years. I actually had panic attacks over spiders for the next 2-3 years.

I once came home and the door was unlocked, the TV was on, but Pants's car was gone and in about 30 seconds I had decided he must be dead in the basement and the burglar had taken his car. I was able to talk myself off that ledge fairly quickly (been in therapy awhile by that time), but still had to check downstairs. Turns out he ran to Burger King.

When I am especially ill or lacking in medication, I get extremely paranoid. Pants can say something innocent, like, "We really need to clean," but I hear, "You are such a lazy slob, why can't you get off your ass and clean this place?" The human brain is truly remarkable.

I've gotten better at weeding through the paranoia and anxiety, but if anyone wants to know if anti-depressants really work, here I am. A functioning human being who gets up everyday and goes to work and is raising two (hopefully normal) children. All thanks to pharmacology and more than a year of intensive therapy. I will live with this my whole life, but I'm living with it. Not existing. Living.

Updates

I haven't posted much on my 30 days of no purchasing because the last week or so has been frighteningly easy. I went to Sam's Club and bought only diapers. Didn't even really look at anything else. Normally I would've been in there for hours. Went to Babies R Us and bought a case of formula. Didn't really look at anything else. My only slips have been a gardening magazine from the aisle at the grocery store (a real disappointment anyway) and the clothes from Carters. I'm even starting to rethink People.

I am starting to consider what I will do when the time is up. I'm thinking of setting two days per month on which all purchasing (other than food) will be done. Everything goes on a list for those two days. If there is nothing on the list, nothing gets bought and we wait for the next purchasing day. This way, purchases have to be planned out and we have to think ahead about gifts and other such things. No more last minute runs to the store for cards, gifts, gift-bags, wrapping paper, etc. No more last minute runs for dress clothes, pantyhose, etc. because we didn't think about it enough in advance.

I think the next plan is to work out parking and lunches on work days. We are doing much better eating at home during the week and on weekends, it's just the money we spend at work now. This is where we are bleeding money, so it's the next thing to go. We're actually doing quite well, money-wise, we just have to get really serious about budgeting now with our daycare expense, which basically is a second mortgage every month.

My garden plans have come together for the year too, thanks to Pusher. I have the front of the house mapped out (the front only) and I have a plan started for the rest of the yard. Pants is going to buy a chainsaw with the Home Depot gift card so we can get started on the trees and shrubs.

Want to see my etchings?

So, we didn't measure the house really on Saturday. We measured the yard and where the house/garage is located in the yard, but we didn't measure the house. I just made some half-assed guesses based on what we had and went off that.

Last night I went out and measured the house and the front walk and the location of the windows (so I don't cover them with bushes) and my drawing was WAY OFF. No wonder I couldn't fill the space. It was huge!!

So now I have a better drawing to work from, one with windows marked off and the curve of the sidwalk drawn in. I have a plan for the nook tucked into the curve, but the rest is still a mystery.

I have yet to draw out the whole yard, but I might take a crack at it yet tonight, at least get the scale down, the yard on paper, and place the house in it. I can work the landscaping beds later, once I get some measurements on the trees that are staying.

To vegetable or not to vegetable...

So yesterday, at Landscapapalooza, I'm staring at my blank piece of graph paper and everyone is trying to help me figure out how to fill the space, and Ang asks me, "So, what do you want to use your yard for?" I think I gave her a blank look, but mentally I was smacking my head. Duh!

The theory is, figure out what you want to do IN you your and then map it into your plan. As in, do you want a vegatable garden? Do you want to grow roses? Do you intend to plant fruit trees? Do you need a long patch of grass for lawn jarts? Horseshoe pits? Pitching a tent? Roasting marshmallows? How so you want to use your yard?

So here it is. This is what I want to do in with my yard:

I want a rain garden down in the front corner at the end of the bike path and maybe another in the dip on the right side of the lawn.
I want a shade garden on the side of the garage where there is no sun and no grass will grow. I want to put a place to sit and read in that garden.
Pants is building his firepit in the back already. He also wants a place to pitch a tent and camp out with the girls.
I want to put lattice around the bottom of the deck and grow beans and peas and maybe some grapes or hops.
Pants wants a Pear tree.
I want Peonies and maybe hydrangeas. Maybe a climbing vine up the sunny side of the house.
We want a hot tub.
We want a bigger shed.
I want a walking path up the right side of the house, broken up by areas of what appears to be old growth.

But this year, I just want the ugly front bushes torn out and plant something that makes it look like we give a damn.

Is that too much to ask?

Kidding myself

to think that I was not going to purchase People magazine for a month.

This item has officially been backed off the no-purchase list. Here are the new rules regarding magazines:
I will not purchase a magazine other than People.
I will purchase the magazine at Target, where they give you a percentage off the newsstand price.
I will not purchase anything else at Target. I will not even venture into the store. Straight to the checkout, grab People and pay, straight out.

The people that you meet each day

Dear work nemesis:
You know I rocked in the meeting today and you came off looking like a big loser. Suck it, bitch.

Dear Orange Eclipse:
I know you are under 25 with a shiny new car that there is no way you can legitimately afford, but please stop pulling a Fast and the Furious every morning. We are not street racers, we are moms and dads with real jobs. Try staying alive long enough to see your car repo'd. Or at least until you get the license plates.

Dear Tiny Asian Lady:
You are really pretty and you dress well. But teasing your hair just in that one spot in the back on top so it stands three inches off your head in weird, gelled-up strands does not make you look taller. It really just makes you look stupid and desperate. I'm sure you're very nice. Go see a hairdresser who cares.

Dear Creepy Amazon Woman:
Hmmm. Where to start? I hear you're actually not very nice, so I won't start with "I'm sure you're very nice." And honestly, you don't look very nice. But let me just say, in addition, that it's not terribly attractive to pull your bleached-white hair back so tight every day that you are nearly giving yourself a facelift (and yet, not quite) and then putting a thingy with a ring of fake hair on it around the bun. And the makeup, sweetie. Oh, the makeup... Don't you think maybe you should try growing old gracefully?

Dear Mr. Suburban with FlexFuel:
Get a car that gets better than 20 mpg and I will believe you might be interested in the environment.

Dear Giant White Van:
Don't drive that monstrosity downtown. If you continue to do so, learn to park. You are crooked every day.

Dear Panhandler Who's Nice:
Thanks for saying, "Have a good day" to everyone who goes by. I'm still not giving you money, but I was actually tempted this morning because you were being so nice. It's a refreshing change from the other pack of homeless people who ask for money and then start berating people who refuse.

Dear Syl:
You are competent and shouldn't worry so much about how you are doing - You are just as far behind as everyone else and you don't look any worse on an ongoing basis than they do. It's been a tough couple of weeks, but you're starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Keep going.

Did you hear the thud?

At about 8:45? That was me falling off the wagon. Or hurling myself off. Whatever.

So here's what happened. I met some friends in Monticello this evening and I brought Meimei. She's still easy to travel with and it leaves Pants with only one. I knew I was in for it when I left Pizza Factory, but I did it anyway, and of course, Meimei really needed to eat.

So we stopped in Albertville, the next exit up the road. I pulled through Burger King and got some water (and some cookies, just so I was buying something, you know). And then I did it. I mixed a bottle and brought her into Carters to feed her. I knew it was wrong and that I should just feed her in the car and be on my way.

But wait, I thought. There's new sprouts on the way and maybe I can just pick up a little something. Planned expense, you know. And best to get it at the outlet. But then their bench was right in front of the clearance table, which had winter jammies for $3.99. And Carter's jammies are the best. And $3.99 is unheard of. And they only have 3T, exactly the size I need for next year. Fate.

So I have the lady put two pair up at the register. And I pick something else out for one of the sprouts, and lo and behold, here is the cutest little outfit and the colors look so good on Meimei and it is so cute I almost got it for Sprout, and it's half off. Which isn't that much at the Outlets, but whatever. I'm binging, so it's all logical at this point.

So I bought two jammies for NEXT WINTER and a cute bubble outfit that Meimei will probably not wear this summer, for fear of sunburn. Damn. Back on the wagon tomorrow.

Did you hear the thud?

At about 8:45? That was me falling off the wagon. Or hurling myself off. Whatever.

So here's what happened. I met some friends in Monticello this evening and I brought Meimei. She's still easy to travel with and it leaves Pants with only one. I knew I was in for it when I left Pizza Factory, but I did it anyway, and of course, Meimei really needed to eat.

So we stopped in Albertville, the next exit up the road. I pulled through Burger King and got some water (and some cookies, just so I was buying something, you know). And then I did it. I mixed a bottle and brought her into Carters to feed her. I knew it was wrong and that I should just feed her in the car and be on my way.

But wait, I thought. There's new sprouts on the way and maybe I can just pick up a little something. Planned expense, you know. And best to get it at the outlet. But then their bench was right in front of the clearance table, which had winter jammies for $3.99. And Carter's jammies are the best. And $3.99 is unheard of. And they only have 3T, exactly the size I need for next year. Fate.

So I have the lady put two pair up at the register. And I pick something else out for one of the sprouts, and lo and behold, here is the cutest little outfit and the colors look so good on Meimei and it is so cute I almost got it for Sprout, and it's half off. Which isn't that much at the Outlets, but whatever. I'm binging, so it's all logical at this point.

So I bought two jammies for NEXT WINTER and a cute bubble outfit that Meimei will probably not wear this summer, for fear of sunburn. Damn. Back on the wagon tomorrow.

Little victories

This morning, I did not have cash and you have to spend a minimum of $4 at the convenience store in the skyway to use your check card. I feel like a schmuck buying coffee with a debit card anyway, and it doesn't cost $4, so I started looking around for something else to buy. I wandered over to the magazine rack and suddenly remembered my oath. And it occurred to me I should just buy a sandwich and chips for lunch along with my coffee. Less going out later, less temptation all around. Crisis averted.

I got to my desk and my first email, the AT&T News Now, indicated that we are adopting Six Sigma company-wide and that it would be rolled out as needed throughout the year. Because Six Sigma is a process thing and process is what I do, I immediately pulled up the Borders website to find a book or two on it. I figured it wouldn't hurt to get ahead of the curve and might make me feel slightly more like I know what I'm doing. But books cost money, which dawned on me about 10 minutes later. So I began looking for certification classes online until I found out that the company actually wouldn't cover them under tuition reimbursement. Eventually, I went to the library website and pulled up a couple of books on it. Not exactly what I wanted, but they'll get the job done. Six Sigma for Dummies, anyone?

So there you go. It's not the hardship I thought it would be, it just forces me to be a bit more creative. On the flip side, however, I meant to park in the ramp I pay for every month that's hell-and-gone from my building today, I even had the time, but I clicked into auto-pilot and drove to the ramp next to work. Oh well. Have to remember tomorrow.

Scary

So, two nights ago, Kitten was scolding Buppy and putting him in timeout. She was shaking her finger really good at him, giving him a thorough tongue-lashing about "naughty" and the like.

And then she hit him. She hit Buppy. Wacked him right upside the head.

My stomach sank. Kids are parrots - they do and say what they see. Believe me, I've had the days where Kitten walks around after me and repeats the last 2-3 words of every sentence. It's like that annoying kid in 4th grade who did it to tick you off because he couldn't think of anything more intelligent to do to tick you off. Except sorta cute and funny.

But it means that Kitten must have seen this somewhere. She must have seen someone get smacked because they were naughty.

I pulled her aside right away, not in a frightening way, but she immediately suspected she was in trouble. I tried to assure her she wasn't, that I just wanted to talk about what happened. I told her we don't hit in this house ever because it hurts people and hurts their feelings, and I asked her to say she was sorry to Buppy, which she immediately did. We reread the book "Words are not for hurting" that night and I think we're over the issue.

Except we're not. Pants and I are definitely not over it. Where did she see this? Who was hit for being naughty? It certainly hasn't happened here. I don't think for a minute that Kitten's daycare lady hits her or Meimei - they go to her every morning with no problems or issues and are happy to see her every day. They like her husband. They like her daughter. They like her puppies.

So where? TV? I'm trying to think of something we might have seen that had hitting, but I can't. The Simpsons? We might have to cut out The Simpsons, which we would have had to do anyway. MIL thought maybe one of the other kids at daycare had gotten physical with another kid. I know there is a kid with a discipline problem, but I don't think the daycare lady would allow him to hit anyone else either. He also goes to school all day, so not much opportunity there.

So where did it come from? We think the scolding came from the daycare lady telling her dogs to be quiet or to get down from wherever. It's kinda funny. We think the finger-pointing came from the daycare lady, either scolding the dogs or pointing at the kids when she corrects them. I can't get my two kids' names straight, I can't imagine she can keep 10 straight all day. But I just can't see her hitting a kid and I'm almost positive she's never hit mine.

But there's that lingering doubt. She had to see it somewhere. Maybe the daycare lady smacked the dog once. Maybe Kitten caught me watching Super Nanny. Maybe it's some weird extrapolation of my chucking Pants on the arm when we're goofing around and it just happened to be a scenario that scares the hell out of us, instead of some funny interpretation of what's really going on.

Any idea of what's going on with this?

My children are awesome

As usual, when we think we might be going somewhere on a weekend day, like somewhere for a holiday or some kind of planned event, Kitten decides not to nap. It's not like we didn't give her an opportunity, or that we brought her up from the kid after a half hour or so. No. The kid talked in her crib for 90 full minutes before we decided it was too late and she wasn't going to do it. It was already after 2:00. so a nap now meant we would be very late indeed.

So we just got her up and dressed, loaded up the car, and went to MIL's for family dinner. I considered bowing out due to my 6th cold coming on, but we went anyway, thinking we were in for some world class meltdowns, since Meimei was due for a nap at the time of departure as well and didn't sleep in the car on the way there as expected.

And...nothing. The girls were great. We could tell Kitten hadn't slept because she was running on crazy fumes, but other than that, no meltdowns, not a lot of naughtiness. She did get a couple of timeouts, but mostly because she forgot the new rules of not going up the stairs and not banging on the TV. She even took the timeouts pretty well.

And Meimei was a dream, as usual. Cute and personable, happy and talking. No fussing except when the cousins yelled back at their parents. Scared her. Hmmm. Doesn't hear much of that kind of yelling here.

My kids are great. They are well-behaved and easily corrected when they aren't. And I would like to think I had something to do with that, not that it's just luck or good temperament.

In fact, I know Kitten could easily go south if we weren't diligent about discipline. So I think we must be doing something right. That we must be good enough. Which is really my goal.

Smarter than the average bear

"Ok, Kitten, but you can only have one cookie before dinner. Just one."
Holding out the other hand - "Two? Two?"

"Five?"

30 day dilemma

Okay, I already have a dilemma. I was putting together the landscape kits and they're incomplete. So I am purchasing a couple more things for them. That's fine, right? It's not for me, right? Anyway, I'll try to spend as little as possible in order to finish. That makes it alright, doesn't it?

Also, if I have gift cards, those don't count as long as I don't go over, right. I mean, the money was already spent, and by someone else at that. So that's fine. Right?

Quick Moroccan Chicken

Promised this for Pusher and Puck - it's meant for leftover chicken or a grocerie store rotisserie chicken.

1 box couscous
1/2 tbl olive oil
1 large clove garlic, thinly sliced
1 1/2 tbl light brown sugar
pinch of ground nutmeg
1 1/2 tbl red wine vinegar
1/2 c orange juice
1 can diced peaches or peach slices, drained (I use a bag of frozen instead)
1 rotisserie chicken, cut into pieces
1/4 c. fresh flat-leaf parsley (optional)

Cook the couscous according to the package directions. Meanwhile, heat the oil in a large skillet over medium-low heat. Add the garlic and cook for 1 1/2 minutes. Add the sugar, nutmeg, vinegar, and orange juice and bring to a simmer. Add the peaches and continue to simmer until the liquid has reduced slightly, about 5 minutes. Divide the couscous and chicken among individual bowls, top with the peach sauce, and sprinkle with parsley if using.

TASTY

30 days

I decided. I will not buy anything for 30 days except the essentials: food, toiletries (toothpaste, diapers, etc.), parking only if it means we will be late if we don't park at the far ramp, mother's day gifts.

I will not buy:
Clothing for the children
Body wash (don't ask, I've developed a fetish)
Clothing for myself
The super-hot boots I was going to buy tomorrow
Anything for the house (including blinds, patio table, paint, light fixtures, etc.)
Books
Magazines (gulp!)

I do plan on spending a small amount on charity for a baby-supply drive they are doing at work for a women's shelter. Occasional food outings will not count because it's food. So.

Now that I told all of you, I feel like I have to. But I'm counting today as the start day because I didn't buy anything.

April 6 through March 4. Here we go. Stay tuned for much discussion on what might or might not count.
d

Well crap, now I'm screwed

So, awhile back, I kinda said that I would not worry about my weight problem until both children were sleeping through the night in their own beds.

As much as I have been looking foward to this time, it now appears that I have something I was going to do. And perhaps this is why my mood has been so funky lately. Or maybe the funky mood just made me feel worse about being so damn fat. Whatever.

So I'm considering my options. Weight Watchers has appealed in the past and I might consider that again. Maybe I'll just go it alone for awhile and see what happens. It doesn't help that it's suddenly Arctic here again. I would really love to get outside and the girls would like it too. And maybe I could walk off some of this fat. I'm afraid to get on the scale because I think I might have cracked 2 bills. Ack. No wonder I'm depressed.

Okay, it was PMS

So yeah, that's why last week was extra sucky.

Work is still not much better, but I think it'll get better in a week or so. Kids are in bed. The house is somewhat clean. I made food ;ast night at one of those places where you make a certain number of meals for a set amount of money, by their recipe (give or take), and I split all mine in half, so I got 12 meals. Not too bad, and it gave me some ideas for making some stuff on the weekend and freezing it.

So, getting there. I have to dig out the Easter baskets.